that he hasn’t. Instead, he has been supportive and caring. Ever since I told him about the baby, he is careful around me and wants to make sure that I’m looking after myself well.
And still, here I am, daydreaming about Reed and lying awake at night fantasizing about him in my bed. The honest truth is that I don’t know what Kirk wants. Are we just friends? Are we going on dates? Is he going to expect more?
He hasn’t tried to kiss me, nor has he made a move. I actually like it this way. I enjoy spending time with him, and it’s nice knowing there’s no pressure. Who said a man and a woman can’t be genuine friends?
On our third day out, Kirk suggests that we take it easy and just have a nice lunch together. I can sense he wants me to be cautious as the pregnancy progresses.
He has booked a table at a fancy restaurant, and we sit across from each other, laughing and enjoying the food. When there’s a sudden silence in the conversation, I can sense there is something coming. He seems more subdued today, like there is something on his mind.
“Kirk?”
He looks up at me, playing with the fork on his plate.
“Yeah, sorry, I was thinking about something else and got carried away.”
“Is everything all right? Is it work?” I am only just realizing that we don’t actually speak about each other’s work a lot. I barely understand what he does, and he doesn’t seem interested in mine either.
Kirk’s eyes are blue, a very light blue, even more crystal-like in appearance than Reed’s. He’s watching me carefully, thinking about something.
“No, it’s not about work. I’m thinking about you, actually.”
I have to put my spoon down and dab the corners of my mouth with a napkin.
“Me? What about me?”
“Where this is going.”
“What?”
“Ella, come on, you know what I’m talking about. Please don’t pretend like you don’t.”
I force myself to take a few moments to sip my water first.
“Kirk, I am pregnant, as you know. The only thing I can focus on at the moment is making sure this baby comes out healthy and happy. I have so many things to think about.”
“If you were actually interested in me, you wouldn’t have to think about it, would you? It would be out of your control.”
“I have enjoyed getting to know you, Kirk. You are very interesting.”
He smiles and shakes his head.
“So we’ve just been…hanging out?” he asks.
“I think so, yeah. I haven’t been thinking very deeply about it. I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“What about this other guy? The one who knocked you up and disappeared. You still thinking about him?”
I’m not going to sit here and describe to him the sexy dream I had about Reed last night. He doesn’t need to hear about it.
“I try not to, but I guess he is a part of my life now, whether I like it or not.”
“Does he know about the baby?”
I shake my head.
He smiles again, but this time, he looks frustrated. This is the first time I have seen this expression on Kirk’s face. His smile isn’t genuine or happy.
“So, he is going to take no responsibility for his actions?”
“They were both our actions!”
“But he is just going to live his life and not be responsible for raising his kid?”
“I will tell him. At some point. Just, not right now. There is some stuff we have to sort through, first.”
“Why are you trying to protect his feelings? I’m sure he’s a big man. I’m sure he can handle it.”
Kirk is speaking spiritedly, like he personally knows Reed, like he does not approve.
“You don’t have the full picture,” I tell him, and he scoffs.
“It can’t be that messed up. Nothing can be that messed up to keep a father away from his child.”
“I’m not going to; I just need the dust to settle a little, and then I’ll tell him.”
Kirk is frustrated. He pushes a hand through his hair. He’s not even looking at me anymore, and it seems like he’s muttering under his breath. Thankfully, I manage to catch the eye of a server and mumble for the check. It arrives, and Kirk pays for it, rejecting all my offers.
“You want to leave?” he asks.
“Maybe I should. Maybe we both should. I didn’t realize my story would affect you this much.”
He is clenching his jaw. His eyes bulge. I think he’s going to burst into flames, but he doesn’t. All of a sudden, his