It’s from her. My mother. The sender is Annabel Lewis.
I’m tempted to just delete it and never think about it again, but I know I’ll regret it if I do. So I read it.
Dear Reed,
My son. I know you won’t believe me when I say this, but you truly are one of the handful of reasons why I have managed to keep myself alive all these years. I have wanted to be around to watch you grow, and now you are so successful. The only thing I wish for you is that you find all the happiness you can get.
I don’t expect to hear back from you, but I just feel this big sense of relief now that everything is out in the open. I know I’m taking some liberties by writing to you like this and you will probably curse me for it. I just can’t help myself. There is so much I want to say to you, so much I want to explain.
I hope someday you will know I mean it when I say I love you. You don’t have to love me back.
Your mother,
Annie
I flip my laptop shut in anger. I wish she would just stay away from me and let me wallow in peace. Whatever version of closure she is after, I’m not interested in it. I just want to move on from all this.
I throw my laptop away and lay back in bed, stretched out under a thin cotton sheet. The only other thought in my mind right now is that of Ella.
I picture her the way I saw her the last time. She had clearly returned from some kind of workout. She was in tight gym clothes that accentuated all her magnificent curves.
What I wouldn’t give to taste her right now! Feel the softness of her pussy tight around my cock. I should have taken her again that day. Pushed her into the wall of her living room, kissed her, ravaged her body, making her come again and again. No stopping. Until she is exhausted and spent. Then I would carry her to her bed and tuck her in and leave. If I could just be close to her again, just one more time, maybe I wouldn’t miss her so much.
My hand is on my cock now. I’ve been stroking myself, thinking about this girl who is out there living her life. A few more minutes of imagining her naked in my bed here beside me and I’m going to make myself come. Hard.
I thrash myself backward into the pillows, imagining her sitting on top of me. Riding my cock. Her breasts shaking and bouncing as she sucks me into herself and then slides me out.
I growl as I stroke harder. Why does she have to be so stubborn and so beautiful at the same time? Why won’t she just listen to my instructions? All she had to do was stay away from my mother and we could have been together right now.
I come with passionate anger, and after I’m done, I’m left panting and wanting more. I’m never going to get enough. My fantasies of her will never be enough.
The next email from my mother came in the morning.
Dear Reed,
I don’t know if I’m talking to a brick wall. If you aren’t reading my letters to you, then that is exactly what I deserve. I will never be angry or frustrated by your reaction or feelings towards me. I will always be grateful for any time you are willing to spend with me. I know I am entitled to nothing.
I do believe we should meet again, if you are willing to, because there is so much more I would like to tell you. Some things you should know. I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us, honey.
Please, Reed, if you are reading this, write me back. Tell me you will see me soon.
I will always be waiting.
Your mother,
Annie
I read this email on my phone in the middle of a board meeting. I have to get up and leave because there’s a sudden tightness in my chest. I go to the men’s restroom and lock the door behind me.
In the mirror, I stare at myself, trying to visualize my mother and if she looks like me. She said she has some other things to tell me. More secrets? How can there be any more secrets?
I have a fleeting image of Matthew and Sally sitting around their kitchen table, discussing the weekend