greatest of days when I thought it was going to be just the opposite. I was so sure we made a baby while we were at the lake house a couple of weeks ago. I just had this weird feeling inside. I gave it two weeks before I took three pregnancy tests today. I was so sad when they all came back negative. I’m so grateful for the two children we have, but now that Lincoln and I have made the decision to have another one, I’m anxious to start that next journey in our lives. I didn’t tell Lincoln this, but after he left to go into the city, I sat in the bathroom and cried. I know it’s only been a couple of months since I stopped taking the pill, but I’m spoiled from my first two pregnancies, which didn’t take much effort or time at all. I also know I shouldn’t feel this way because there are so many married couples out there who tried for years to get pregnant and never have. I feel like I already know this unknown baby. Is that weird? To know someone who doesn’t even exist yet? I swear that’s how I feel. It’s like their tiny little spirit is hovering around me, waiting for the perfect moment to grace us with our third child. Lincoln, of course, was wonderful and told me not to worry. I’m working on my patience; I swear I am, and I promise the next time I write in this, I’ll bring up some good things that’ve happened.
I run my fingers over the inscription Dear Linc. This is how I start all of my entries. I never wanted to start them with Dear Diary or Dear Journal. It just seems too impersonal to me. These entries aren’t written to Lincoln, but since most of them involve him, I decided to shorten his name and use it instead.
I set my pen down and release a sigh. It’s not often I write depressing thoughts in my journal—most of the time I have only good things to say—but finding out I wasn’t pregnant today has gotten me in a low mood. It’s dumb and selfish to feel this way.
I close my journal, the pages now full. There are several boxes in the attic with my old ones, and this one will go up there with them. I already have a new one Lincoln gave me last week, waiting for its first entry.
My phone rings on the coffee table, and I see Mom’s name roll across the screen. I think about ignoring it, but decide not to. I’ve already missed one of her calls today. Setting my journal down on the table, I grab my phone.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, sweetie,” Mom chirps. Just hearing her voice settles some of my anxious nerves. Her soothing voice has always had the ability to calm me. “How are you? I called earlier today.”
Sitting back on the couch, I tuck my knees to my chest, my heels on the edge of the cushion. “I’m fine. Sorry I missed your call. I was actually going to call you back in a bit.”
Several seconds of silence pass before her soft voice meets my ear. “I spoke with Lincoln earlier. He told me about the pregnancy tests.”
I lean my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. “Yeah,” I say quietly.
“Now, why don’t you tell me how you’re really doing?”
Mom could always tell when something was bothering me. It’s got to be a mom trait because I do the same with my kids.
“I’m sad,” I sigh. “Then feel selfish because I’ve got no right to feel that way. I mean, it hasn’t been very long since we started trying.”
“Why in the world do you feel selfish?”
“Because there are thousands of women who try to get pregnant who can’t. I’ve already got two beautiful, perfect, and healthy children. What right do I have to be sad that I’m not pregnant after only trying for a couple of months?”
“That’s not being selfish, Molly. That’s being human. There’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. With that being said, don’t let this get you down. I have no doubt you’ll be pregnant in no time. You know our family. A man could simply give one of us women a sexy look, and she’ll end up pregnant.”
A giggle escapes me. She’s right. The females in our family are extremely fertile. Mom got pregnant with me while she was on birth