determination in her expression, I know she refuses to let it dim the future we have left.
Now, if only I can learn to take my own advice and not let the knowledge that I’m going to lose Molly, regardless, take me down a dark and painful path.
Chapter Twelve
MOLLY
My mother and father are throwing me a big birthday ball this weekend, and I’m a bit nervous. They invited half of the town, including all of my friends from school. It’s not the girls I’m worried about, but the boys. One in particular. Arthur Jones, the most popular boy in school. I’ve had a crush on him since fourth grade, but it wasn’t until the last year that he’s shown interest in me. I want to impress so maybe he’ll want to court me. And maybe if I’m lucky, he’ll give me a kiss for my birthday. I hope he likes the dress my mother and I picked out.
I smile at the hopeful tone in Anna Dumont’s words. To be young and in love for the first time again.
Melancholy tries to worm its way in, but I force the feeling away, refusing to let it drag me under. It’s been a week since I learned of my illness and the same amount of time since we had the kids tested. We still have a week to go. Until then, I refuse to think anything but the best. The best being that the children are safe and healthy, even though I won’t be around to watch them grow into the beautiful adults I know they will be. I’d die a thousand painful deaths before I chose for either of my kids to go through what I know will be a painful death.
Even now, after being diagnosed for only a week, my muscles have spasmed painfully a couple of times. The first time I kept it from Lincoln because he wasn’t around, and I didn’t want to worry him if I didn’t have to. The second time was when I was getting out of the shower. The muscles in my legs tightened enough that I lost my balance and almost cracked my head against the porcelain tub. Thankfully, the shower curtain and rod held up long enough for me to fall on my free hand instead of my head. The look in Lincoln’s eyes when he exploded into the bathroom was agonizing to see.
I look back down at the journal in my lap. Yesterday was the first day I started reading them again. The one I’m currently reading belongs to a woman named Anna Dumont. Her earliest entry was dated in 1894. At first, the entries were few and far between, but the last year she’s been visiting her journal more. From what I can gather, this birthday will be her sixteenth, such a critical time in a girl’s life.
Anxious to see what happened at her party, I begin reading again. It’s dated several days after her party.
I’m scared to put this in my journal, because if my parents discover this, my father will go to jail, but I have to write this down. I’m still shaking from the experience. My ball was not what I hoped it would be. In fact, it was far from it. It started out great, especially when Arthur cornered me and said he had a birthday gift to give to me in private. My stomach was full of butterflies as I followed him outside. Everyone else was indoors, so we were left alone. Or I thought we were.
Nausea builds in my throat, and I have to swallow several times to keep the bile down. I don’t need to continue to read to know where this is going, but I do so anyway. I have to know.
I was so nervous as he led me away from the house, knowing he was going to kiss me like I wanted. The kiss was better than I expected. What I didn’t expect, nor wanted, were the second set of hands and the body that pressed against me from behind. I was scandalized, and I yanked away from Arthur, waiting for him to make the other person go away. When he didn’t, and I saw a nasty gleam in his eyes, I turned to face the other boy. There were three of them. They were from school, and I know them to be Arthur’s best friends: Justin, Albert, and Henry. They had the same look in their eyes that Arthur had.
Before I could