but it didn’t change my belief that we are Clara and Charles. There were too many clues written in the pages, too many strange coincidences. And that was just in Clara’s journals. Molly listed off a bunch more from the other women’s journals. I plan to read those next.
In all honesty, there are only two things that’ve kept me planted on this earth and have kept me sane. Gray and Gemma, and the thought that Molly and I will be together again. The deep pain in my chest eases a tiny bit thinking that I’ll have yet another life to live with her. To be able to make new memories. To love her and hold her again. Betsy and William and Anna and Jack didn’t have many years together, but Clara and Charles did. They had a lifetime. I’d give anything to have even one more day with Molly. Of course, if the pattern continues, we won’t know who we are to each other. But I’m okay with that, so long as we’re together. The only heartbreaking downside is we won’t have Gray and Gemma. As much as I wish we could carry them over into our next lifetime, we won’t miss them, because we won’t know they ever existed.
Lying there with one arm wrapped around Molly’s pillow and my other hand resting on top of her journal, the stress of today finally takes hold. I don’t want to fall asleep, because I know the first few seconds after waking up, I’ll forget Molly is gone and will relive the pain when I realize she is.
But I have to keep strong for Gray and Gemma. Before Molly died, my sole purpose for living was for her and our children.
She may be gone, but I’ve still got a reason to live.
Chapter Thirty-Six
LINCOLN
Nine Months Later
“Hey, baby.”
I get to my knees on the ground in front of the headstone and switch out the old dahlias for the new ones. Smiling at the seashell design on the slab of stone, I trace my finger over Molly’s name. Between her name and the two dates are the words “My Girl.” She loved when I called her that so much that I knew I had to include it on her headstone. It’s exactly what she was, and what she will always be.
Sliding around to the side of the headstone, I lean back against it and set the journal on my lap. Closing my eyes, I breathe in the fresh air.
“The kids are doing good.” I always start with telling Molly about the kids because I know that’s the first thing she’d ask.
“Gray aced his final math test he was so worried about last week. You should have seen the prideful look on his face when he told me. We celebrated by going out for pizza, and he insisted Andrea come along since she tutored him. The two have grown even closer over the last few months. We both know Gray’s had a crush on her for a while.” A secret grin creeps across my face. “They kinda remind me of us and how attached we were at the hip as kids.”
I brush away a few dried leaves from the ground, remembering those special days. If I’d had my way back then, I would have been with Molly every second of every day. I always dreaded going home at night. That’s why I often found myself sneaking in her window.
“I wish you could see Gemma. She’s growing in leaps and bounds. I’m going to have a hard time keeping the boys away. She came to me a couple of days ago and told me about a boy in her class picking on her. I told her the same thing I told you that first day. Boys pick on girls they think are pretty.” I chuckle. “Yeah, she gave me the same look you gave me, like I was crazy. She’ll see in a few years, though. I’m sure that boy will be chasing her all over the place, begging for even a second of her time.” My eyes narrow, not liking that thought. “I think I should buy a gun when that happens.”
I’m only half joking. I am not looking forward to Gemma’s dating years. Maybe I can lock her in her room until she’s twenty-one, or better yet, twenty-five.
“Mr. Fischer was very pleased with the pieces I handed over last week.” I drop my chin to my chest and stare down at the journal. “It’s been