they’re happy tears. I feel my own eyes prickling. “Our babies are going to be okay.”
I get up from my chair and pull Molly with me, straight into my arms. She buries her face in my shoulder. I take a deep breath, pulling more air into my lungs than I have in days. A huge weight is lifted off my chest, but my heart still weighs a thousand pounds. Our kids are healthy and will live long lives, but I’m still going to lose the woman in my arms. How can I feel so much relief while still feeling like my heart is splintering in two?
“I know, baby,” I soothe, keeping my voice low to hide the sorrow I still feel. “Gray and Gemma are going to be fine.”
My eyes meet Dr. Becker’s over Molly’s shoulder. His expression is solemn with understanding. Yes, the news he just gave us was the best news we could have gotten today, but it doesn’t change Molly’s fate.
After a moment, Molly pulls back and looks to Dr. Becker. “What about Lindsay and Aubree?”
Lindsay and Joe are due to come in after us for their results, but I know it’ll eat at Molly until she knows. Federal law prohibits doctors from giving out patient information to anyone who is not the patient, but Lindsay has given permission for Dr. Becker to do so. We have their parents and Lindsay on all of our forms, just as they have us on theirs.
“I’m happy to inform you that neither Lindsay nor Aubree have the gene either.”
Molly’s eyes fall closed, and her shoulders sag in relief. The tension that’s been on her face for a week slowly fades.
“Thank you, Jesus,” she whispers.
After we retake our seats, Dr. Becker asks, “Tell me, Molly, how have you been the last week?”
Her voice is small when she answers. “My legs have been going stiff more often. I almost fell out of the shower a few days ago.”
A flash of finding Molly lying on the bottom of the bathtub after hearing her scream flares through my mind. It scared the shit out of me, finding her like that.
Dr. Becker nods and jots something down on a notepad in front of him. “Anything else? Any cognitive symptoms?”
“There’s been a couple of times I’ve gotten my words jumbled, but nothing too bad yet.”
“Okay. I want you to continue to document each time you exhibit a symptom.”
“Okay.”
Although Molly’s current journal is only about a quarter of the way full, I gave her a new one to use. She asked for it to document her symptoms, wanting to keep the two separate from each other. So far, she only has a few lines filled out.
How many pages will be full by the time her hands won’t let her write anymore?
Later that day, Molly and I are on the couch with Gray and Gemma sitting between us. We picked them up from Molly’s parents’ house an hour ago. More tears were shed when we told them the good news about the kids’ genetic tests. Lindsay and Joe were there; Aubree was in the living room with Gray and Gemma.
Molly and I decided to tell the kids about their mother today. Neither of us felt right keeping it from them any longer.
Behind the kids backs, Molly and I have our fingers linked together as we attempt to do one of the hardest things we’ll ever do.
“Mom, Dad, what’s going on?” Gray asks, his head turning back and forth as he looks at us both. “Are you going to tell us what’s wrong with Momma now?”
Molly bites her lip, forcing back the tears I know she’s fighting.
Gemma’s brows wrinkle. “Something’s wrong with Momma?” she asks, her voice quivering.
I feel more helpless in this moment than I ever have in my entire life. This is my family. It’s my job to protect them from anything that could harm them, and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do.
With her free hand, Molly grabs one of Gemma’s. “Yes, baby, there is.”
Hearing the tremble in Molly’s voice and knowing she’s barely holding on, I squeeze her hand, silently telling her I’ll explain everything to the kids.
“Do you guys remember when Momma fell at Gammy’s house?” Gray and Gemma look at me. “We went to see Dr. Becker to find out why she did.” I swallow past the boulder in my throat, determined to get through this and not make Molly do it. “Dr. Becker did some tests.”
“Did they have to get Momma’s