could help.”
“They wouldn’t listen either.”
“Why? I believe you. I’ve seen James out of control. We can’t get him the help he needs. I wouldn’t even know where to start. But an adult would. And they’ll believe you too.”
“They won’t actually.”
“Why not?”
“Because they all know the truth.” He looked down at his hands.
I slipped my hand between his.
“I’m not supposed to tell anyone about what really happened,” he said, as if that was the end of it.
“I think I’ve proven that I know how to keep a secret. Please, Matt.” Let me in.
For a few moments, he didn’t say anything at all. I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. “My parents paid someone off to change the autopsy report, but the Hunters know. They were there that night.” He cleared his throat. “And I guess now you’ll know too.” He still didn’t look up at me.
I squeezed his hand.
“I found my aunt hanging from the chandelier in my house last Christmas Eve. And I…I don’t want to find someone I love like that ever again.”
Oh, Matt. Tears welled in my eyes. I thought about the rumor about how his great great grandmother or something like that had hung herself from the chandelier in their foyer. Rumors always started with a grain of the truth. I’d just thought that about James and Isabella. And it was true in both cases.
Matt was always so put together. He was the only Untouchable that I thought was truly happy. But that was just the front he put on. He was as broken as me. That was why he always knew the right thing to say to me. That was why he knew all I needed was for him to hold me. He just…knew. He knew what it felt like to lose someone.
I climbed up on his lap and straddled him on the bed. I understood all of it. The pain he carried around. The fear too. I placed my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his back. “My heart hurts for you,” I whispered into the side of his neck.
For a few minutes we just sat there holding each other in silence. It always felt like he took away some of my pain when he held me. I hoped I was doing the same for him.
“I can’t stand the thought of you hating me,” he said into my hair. “I can’t lose you too.”
It didn’t matter how mad I was. I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt. That’s why I was hurting right now. That’s why he was hurting. I didn’t want to cause him any more pain. “Of course I don’t hate you, Matt. I just didn’t very much like you for a couple days there.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. He didn’t have to apologize. I got it. I really did. He was scared of losing someone else. Maybe he was projecting his fears of suicide onto James. Maybe he wasn’t. But either way, I could see his fears becoming reality. And I would never do something to jeopardize James’ health.
“Can you tell me about your aunt?” I asked. And then my stomach growled embarrassingly loud. I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do.
He leaned back with a smile on his face. But I saw it now. The sadness in his eyes. How had I not seen it before?
“I don’t even know if you’re going to remember any of this tomorrow,” he said. “But yeah, I’d like that.” His smile grew. “You have the munchies, though, so let me go grab us some food from downstairs and then I’ll tell you all about her.”
I moved off his lap and watched him leave. And I tried not to think about the fact that he knew where the kitchen was because of his visits with Isabella. Or the fact that I might forget all of this in the morning. I touched the side of my head. Stupid Cupcake.
I shook away the thought. Our fight from a few minutes ago had changed everything. Matt had lost someone too. He was just like me. I didn’t feel nearly as alone anymore. And at least I understood now why he couldn’t just come clean. But I was very aware of the fact that nothing had really changed. He hadn’t told me what Isabella was blackmailing him for. And I’d still be a secret.
Chapter 16
Saturday
It was hard to picture Matt as a little kid. He was just so big and