He was walking away from me, so I only saw the back of his head, but something about his swagger made me freeze.
A memory rose. I blinked, watching the man, but he had his hood up so I couldn’t see his face.
Uan turned the corner and nodded to the man as he jogged by. The man paused and turned to watch Uan, who waved at me.
I didn’t look at Uan or raise my arm. I couldn’t. It felt like all the blood in my body rushed to my toes. Lightheaded, I struggled to stay upright.
Van’s gaze shifted from Uan to me, and a slow smile parted his lips.
Chapter Sixteen
The man who’d raped me more than a month ago, nodded, turned, then disappeared around the next corner. Van couldn’t be here. This couldn’t be real. I staggered sideways a step as if struck by an invisible fist.
“Brenna!” Uan called.
When I didn’t answer, he did the typical fey jump-climb up the wall. His arms wrapped around me, and he held me close.
“Get a room, fey-lover,” someone yelled.
“Was someone mean to you?” Uan asked. He lowered his voice. “I can hurt them for you.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged Uan in return, still shaking but not feeling as terrifyingly alone.
“You might not have made me, but you’re as real of a dad as my first one was. Thank you.”
He grunted and continued to hold me.
“Why is your heart running in fear?”
“Because for a minute, I felt alone again. But I’m not.” I pulled back and managed to smile up at him. “I have you. And the rest of the fey.”
“And Thallirin,” he said.
And I never missed him more.
“Any luck finding the girl?” I asked.
“Yes. She was in a closet, crying. Matt is talking to her now, but we can go.”
It seemed like my body knew it was the time of day to wake up because, despite spending the night on the wall and going straight to Tenacity afterward, my eyes wouldn’t stay closed in the darkened bedroom. I kept thinking of Van.
The last time I’d seen him, he’d been standing with his father and the other gunmen just outside their coveted bunker. I recalled the look of anger on their faces, especially Van’s scowl despite his broken nose, as I was led to the back of a truck with the other people the fey had saved from a life of subjugation.
What Van and his group had done, murdering my father and kidnapping us, was inexcusable even with the world gone to shit. Mom had wanted him dead, but Eden had talked her out of it because she thought Mom wouldn’t want that weight on her shoulders. Given all he’d done to me and my family, I’d wanted him dead, too. However, after listening to Eden talk to Mom, I’d kept quiet because I hadn’t wanted to make that choice, either. A deep part of me wasn’t so sure she would have regretted the group’s death. And, that had worried me.
In the end, it had been the decision of Matt’s emissary that they leave the group where they were and take half their supplies.
Just as I’d kept my silence then, I’d kept my silence again when we left Tenacity. I was no longer sure what was right.
In our old society, those men would have been tried, found guilty, and put in jail. But there were no jails now. There was just outside the wall. And, outside the wall was eventual death.
If I turned Van in, just so he’d be cast out again, would that make me just like him? A killer? While I'd killed plenty of infected, I didn't know if I could live with sending Van to his death. Actually, I knew I could live with it, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be that person.
But doing nothing felt like pardoning him.
I was seriously conflicted and trying not to be angry about it. Especially after my talk with Uan.
Had taking their supplies been enough to force them out of the bunker? Or were they at Tenacity because they wanted something else? It was the second question that worried me more. What if my silence hurt someone else? Turning Van in would then be to protect others, not for revenge. Yet, it was that small spark of need to see him hurt that made me wonder if my thoughts were only empty justifications for getting what I wanted.
Rolling over in an attempt to get comfortable, I almost missed hearing