What's up?”
“I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute.”
The way she stayed outside, even though I had the door open, let me know she wanted a private conversation. So, I grabbed my jacket and stepped outside with her.
“Thallirin came over,” she said without preamble. “He wanted to talk to Ghua about how to deal with a stubborn child.”
I groaned. I’d been so sure I’d gotten through to him.
“He thinks I’m just being stubborn?”
“What's funnier is that Thallirin thinks that Ghua is an expert on you.” We walked around the house to the backyard. “I know it's none of my business, but I really want to help you. I know what you've been through. I also know that, although the fey are basically harmless, they’re also very persistent. The combination can be extremely frustrating.”
“You've got that right.”
“Thallirin said you called him a pedophile. He's freaking out, thinking there's something wrong with him. I'm not saying that so you feel bad. I'm just letting you know so that you understand where he's coming from. Maybe it will help get through to him.” She shrugged slightly and sighed. “I think you’re going to need to be upfront with him about what happened at the bunker.”
My chest tightened by slow degrees.
“What happened there has nothing to do with my refusal.”
“It did for me,” she said. “I left that place, swearing I wanted to spend the rest of my life by myself. That I didn't need anyone. When Ghua showed up, I was terrified. Not just because he was freakishly different or because he was ripping heads off of infected, but because he was extremely interested in me. And he made that interest very clear. You should have seen his face when I lied and said I was twelve. Complete devastation. They respect the no females under eighteen rule. Thallirin will leave you alone because of that. But, it won’t stop him from caring about you or wanting you. You need to help him understand why you will never want him in return.”
I looked up at the stars.
“What happened is in the past. I’m over it. And it has nothing to do with what’s happening now.”
“Sugar, that’s not something you just get over.”
“In this world, you do. There’s no time for self-pity or doubt. That’s the quickest way to die, and I’m not done living yet.”
Eden remained quiet next to me for several long moments.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get there sooner.”
I turned to look at her.
“Don’t carry the guilt for someone else’s actions. Any decision that was made that might have delayed your arrival doesn’t change who’s responsible for what happened to me. It was the people at the bunker. It was Van.”
I hated that I’d said his name. He didn’t deserve any acknowledgment from me. Yet, I refused to let Eden carry the burden for what happened.
“And don’t worry about Thallirin’s fascination with me. Like you said, the fey are basically harmless to us. Just annoying. I’ll manage.”
She nodded and left.
When I went back to the house, I found Uan saying his goodbyes.
“I must guard the wall tonight. I will return in the morning, though.”
He bent down and kissed Mom thoroughly before leaving. She stared after him, her eyes glazed, as I took my seat. Zach grinned as he watched her. It didn’t take her too long to snap out of it.
“Spill it,” she said, no-nonsense Mom taking over. “What really happened today?”
“I don't want to talk about it,” I said.
“But I do.”
Slouching in my chair a little, I gave in.
“The fey are insistent that Thallirin and I are going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after. They're not getting it through their thick heads that I have no interest in him.”
“I don't understand what that has to do with you being late. Did he force you to stay with him?”
“No, Mom. Nothing like that. All the other fey refused to carry me, trying to play matchmaker and forcing me to deal with Thallirin. I chose my own two feet instead of his loving arms.”
Her expression shifted ever so slightly. Our family didn’t do pity. At least, it was our rule not to. But I could see it in Mom’s eyes. She wanted to pity me for whatever happened in the bunker. I never really talked about it, and it was the one subject she hadn’t forced. She probably hadn’t needed to. Zach had been there, too.
“I understand you need to take a stance,” she said, “but