out. The ache inside of me eased a little. I knew it wouldn’t just disappear, though. It never truly did, not since what Van and Oscar had done to me and my family.
The fey at my usual spot on the wall nodded to me and moved farther down. While it felt good to do something, I wished I wasn’t in Tolerance. I wished I was with Zach, gathering supplies. No, I wished I was shoving my face full of cheesy, powder-coated tortilla chips of some kind. I wouldn’t have even cared what brand at that point. I just wanted to lick my wounds and eat junk food.
I wasted away several hours on the wall, until the sky started to darken, then waved to the nearest fey and headed down the ladder.
The yeasty smell of fresh bread and garlic greeted me when I opened the door.
“Please tell me it’s spaghetti night,” I said, hurrying to strip out of my boots.
I entered the kitchen, scanning for any sign of garlic bread, and noted Mom stirring something at the stove and Zach at the table with a serious expression on his face.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“Mom told me. Sorry your day was shitty. I should have stayed.”
“The spectator count to my meltdown was high enough. Speaking of spectators, where’s Uan?”
“I thought we should have dinner alone tonight,” Mom said, wheeling to the table.
“Why?” I drew out the word. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t like spaghetti, either.”
“I don’t know. But I do know that we need to talk, as a family, about our future. When I said I wanted to find a fey so I could be immune and you would have someone to look after you both if something happened to me, I hope it went without saying that I would never put that as a priority over either of you.”
“We know that,” I said, looking at Zach.
“Then why in the hell didn’t you tell me what was happening?” she asked angrily. “I would have done something about it.”
I stayed quiet because we had talked about things as they’d happened. Neither of us had understood how big of a deal it was for me until today, though.
“I think we should give moving to Tenacity some serious consideration,” Mom said calmly. “I’m not saying that we have to live there forever, but what would it hurt if we tried to stay there for a while? Uan is willing to help us carry over our food and promised to start going out on supply runs with you.”
She was giving me the out I’d so desperately needed. Yet, as much as I wanted to take it, I knew we couldn’t.
“Tenacity won’t be any better than here, and we all know it. Despite the new rule that anyone who steals would get kicked out, Matt admitted that he’s worried people with a cache of supplies will be targeted, just like they were here. And if Zach, Uan, and I are out getting supplies, that leaves you home alone.”
“I’m not helpless,” she said irritably.
“I’m not suggesting that you are. Me? You? Zach? It wouldn’t matter who was home alone. The same thing would likely happen to all of us. We’re safer here. And better fed.
“What happened today was a perfect storm. The fey were trying to manipulate me into liking Thallirin, and it backfired in the worst way possible. I’m sure every fey here now knows what happened to me. If I’m lucky, they’ll look at me like damaged goods and leave me alone. If I’m not lucky, they might still try to manipulate me. But, I punched Drav in the throat for breaking my bow, and he didn’t lift a finger against me. And I almost shot Thallirin with an arrow, and he didn’t even bat an eye at it. They’re not going to hurt me. They’ll probably just keep annoying the hell out of me.”
Mom gave me a long look.
“You’re not damaged goods,” she said firmly.
“You and I know that, but they don’t need to,” I said with a small smile.
“If someone even hints that you need to be with anyone—”
“You will be the first one to know,” I promised.
“No. I will,” said Zach. “I’m not leaving your side.”
“Yes, you are. I refuse to be chained to my little brother forever. This is our life now. Our home. We need to make it work for us, not the other way around.”
A new layer of snow crunched under our feet as we walked