I’d thought he wanted from me had. And because of my fear, I’d treated him just as horribly as all the rest of the assholes from Whiteman. I was better than that.
With the food in my stomach and Angel’s well-meaning advice, my conscience grew so loud I could no longer ignore it.
“I think I need to take a raincheck on lunch.”
“Oh, no. Why? I swear I can make us just about anything.” She opened a cupboard to show her stock of food. It was downright enviable.
“It’s not that. I appreciate the snack cake a lot. But, I need to go talk to Thallirin. He’s the one I was trying to find,” I admitted.
She grinned at me.
“That’s easy. The best way to find a fey is to just shout his name. Shax can make it to the house in less than a minute, no matter where he is in Tolerance.”
“I’m not going to go out there and yell Thallirin’s name.”
She shrugged.
“Suit yourself. It’s pretty rewarding seeing one run to you.”
“Like a trained dog?”
“No, like a man in love, desperate to keep you safe, fed, and happy.”
I sighed. That was the last thing I wanted to see.
“I think walking to look for him will do me good. I have a lot to think about.”
She nodded and followed me to the door.
“Come back anytime,” she said as I slipped my boots on. “If we don’t answer right away, give us a few minutes.” She winked to make it clear why a few minutes might be needed, then opened the door for me.
“Thanks for the talk,” I said.
“Thanks for listening.”
I walked away from Angel’s house with a lot on my mind.
Every single attribute that Angel had listed about the fey was true. They were decent. Never once had any of the fey done anything to justify the hate the survivors from Whiteman unleashed on them. The idea that I’d been treating Thallirin just as poorly as the Whiteman asshats had treated him didn’t sit well with me. Sure, I could try to justify my bad behavior as the only means to get him to leave me alone, but I knew that wasn’t true. Eden had proven that her suggestion to just tell Thallirin the truth had been the right one.
My fear had blinded me, and I cringed at the thought of what other decisions my emotions might be negatively influencing. Angel’s comment about me being some fey’s girl echoed in my mind.
While I knew women, including my mom, were hooking up with fey for food and immunity, I just couldn’t see it as an option for myself. It felt too much like the decision I’d been forced into back at the bunker. Yet, was I being a fool for ignoring the most obvious answer for safety? The fey, for all their bigness and muscle, were nothing like Van. They were completely naïve about women and many other things, just as Angel had pointed out. And just as I’d pointed out to my mom, neither Drav nor Thallirin had threatened me or even gotten angry when I’d struck out at them.
I sighed heavily.
The bite yesterday had been terrifying. The idea that I could turn and become infected obviously weighed on me, given how much I’d dreamt about it.
Was it foolish to dismiss Thallirin’s interest?
While I wasn’t ready to make the decision Mom made, maybe I should talk to Thallirin and ask some questions about what exactly he wanted from me. Oh, I knew his long-term goal was to get me to be his girl in every way. But what about short-term? He was determined to protect me and had already been providing supplies for us without expecting sex from me. In fact, he’d done all of that while I was being angry and rude. Was it wrong to try to be nice to him in return?
While the answer would be ‘no’ for most people, it wasn’t for me. It felt like all the things he’d done had been to create an obligation for me to be nice.
I sighed in frustration, hating the mental loop I was in.
Even if he continued to do as he’d done, watching out for me and my family, it seemed wrong to decide to just stay home and let the fey take all the risks when I was able-bodied. While it made sense for Angel, given her condition, and Mom, given her limitations, I couldn’t see it ever making sense for me. And I couldn’t imagine a life where I was