if he’d been standing close, I would have broken another bow. As it was, I raged in silence for several long seconds before looking at Drav.
“I’ve lost all respect for you. Hope this bullshit move is worth it.” I turned to Zach. “You go ahead. Get as much as you can. We’ll need it in Tenacity.”
Zach nodded slowly and looked at Drav, then Thallirin, before jogging toward the wall.
I turned on my heel and marched back the way I’d come, seething that Drav and Mya would pull this after yesterday.
“You will not leave,” Thallirin said from just behind me, making me jump a little.
I stopped and glared up at him. “What in the hell do you think is so great about this situation that I’d ever want to stay?”
“Uan wouldn’t be accepted in Tenacity. He makes your mother happy.”
His words were like a knife to the gut, and for several long minutes, I could say nothing. He thought he had me. He thought he’d manipulated me right where he wanted me.
“You’re just like him,” I said, trying to fight down the panic of Van’s weight pressing down on me once more. My bow was off my shoulder and in my hand before I’d even thought about it. The nocked arrow shook as I aimed it right at Thallirin’s throat. He didn’t move.
“You’re making me a prisoner. Telling me I’m safe. Telling me you’ll never hurt me. Telling me I’ll like it.” My throat closed, and my eyes stung.
“I won’t do it again. I’m not going to lie still while you use me, you fucking son of a bitch.” I was shaking so hard, my fingers slipped. He moved quickly, his palm grazing the shaft as it released, knocking it off course.
“I am not using you, Brenna,” he said, his words slow and deep.
“I’m not stupid, Thallirin. Van didn’t use me the first night, either. He waited until I was hungry and desperate and had no choice but to agree.” I stepped closer to him, looking him in the eyes. “But rape is rape, Thallirin. You can lie to yourself and say I want it, but I don’t. I won’t. Ever.”
Chapter Seven
Mom knocked on my bedroom door again.
“I’ll talk when I’m ready, and I’m not ready,” I said, struggling to control my emotions.
I was a hot mess. Panic clawed at me.
As I sat on my bed, I felt more trapped than ever and hated Drav for his order to stay inside Tolerance’s wall. It didn’t take a genius to know the mandate had nothing to do with me resting. He wanted me to stay here so I’d mingle with the fey lingering. Specifically, Thallirin. And, I didn’t know what to do about any of it. If I told Mom what Drav was doing, she’d agree we needed to leave and, without hesitation, would throw away her chance for a possible fresh start with Uan and immunity. I couldn’t do that to her.
The knock came again.
“It’s Eden. We need to talk. I’m coming in, so don’t shoot me.”
The door opened a moment later. Eden slipped in and quickly closed the door behind her.
“I’m sorry I’m barging in,” she said, looking truly apologetic as she sat beside me on the bed.
“Let me guess, Thallirin came to your house again because his chosen vagina is being difficult.”
Eden cringed at that.
“He did show up, but not because you’re being difficult. He’s freaking out because you told him you were raped and hinted that you think he’s going to do the same thing. That, on top of the pedophile comment, has him an emotional mess.”
I looked at her.
“What exactly does Thallirin’s freak out expression look like? Is it this or this?” My serious expression never changed.
“Definitely the second one,” she said.
I snorted.
“I don’t care what he’s feeling. I’m barely holding my shit together. He’s doing everything the same. I’m suffocating. It’s like the weight…” I placed a hand on my chest and just breathed.
“Talk to me,” she said softly. “I’m probably the only person here who will understand.”
“How can I feel so broken and so whole at the same time? I should be over it. It wasn’t that bad.”
Eden’s sniffle was the only warning I got before I was being hugged hard by her.
“I’m so sorry.”
Her hold and sincerity fractured me. For the first time since the bunker, I let the hurt out. I cried, and it was so bad. I shook and sobbed and snotted all over her. I broke into so many pieces that