mumble and cut him off. I make the mistake of looking up at him, only to feel a giant crocodile tear trickle down my cheek.
“Please don’t cry-” Ben softly says placing himself only a few inches in front of me. He gently wipes away my tear with the back of his thumb and pulls my head into his chest then whispers, “Believe me, I don’t want to be friends anymore either.”
I pull away and look up at him, both confused and anxious as to what he means. I feel a prickling sensation behind my knees as I stare directly into his dark brown eyes.
“Megan, I know in the past I said I didn’t believe in love and marriage and all that crap.” Ben sighs and continues, “But that’s because I had never been with someone I wanted all those things with. But when I’m with you, I want all those things.” He runs one hand through his hair and nervously bites his lip, “I love you.”
My heart is racing and I can barely breathe, let alone respond to Ben’s words. I try to muster something out, but no such luck. I am a surplus of emotions; thrilled, ecstatic, confused, you name it. I even wonder if this is all a dream and I secretly pinch myself when he isn’t looking, “Do you remember that New Year’s Eve at The Cove?”
I nod thinking to myself how could I forget? “Do you remember me asking you at the end of the night if you wanted me to come back to your apartment?”
“Yeah” I say feeling myself blush.
“That’s the night I knew I loved you.”
“Oh please” I grumble, looking down to the floor.
“Megan, stop.” Ben pleads, “Please hear me out.”
I roll my eyes, but he continues, “That night, you were so beautiful. I had never seen you look so amazing. I remember you wore a tight jean skirt with a black shirt. It was low in the front and haltered around your neck so you had a bare back. You were even wearing high heels, which was so unlike you.”
I am stunned that he actually remembered what I was wearing. Ben never pays attention to stuff like that. I suddenly feel all the tightness and tension drain from my body.
“I have always had feelings for you, but I thought they were because we were such good friends. But that night, when I saw other guys checking you out at the bar, I didn’t like it. I tried to see if maybe you were feeling the same way as I was, by making little gestures towards you all night, but you didn’t bite. Instead you shut me down twice, once in the bar and once out at the cab.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?” I ask.
“Megan did you not hear me? You shut me down all night and then shortly after that you started dating that douche bag Marco. You have never ever not had a boyfriend! When was I supposed to swoop in and tell you how I felt? Not to mention how you can be so intimidating and closed off at times that it makes you impossible to read. When I hooked up with Stephanie or any other girl for that matter, you were too busy off dating someone else to ever give a shit how I felt. What was I supposed to do? Stay celibate in hopes that one day you might love me as much as I loved you? Besides, that night with Stephanie, I was beyond drunk and I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. But trust me, if I had thought even for a second I had any type of chance with you, it would never have happened.”
Ben places his hand on my lower back, and I want to brush him away, but I don’t. Instead I feel the warmth from his hand radiating onto my skin and feel myself weaken to his touch as my breathing quickens.
He gently tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, “That night, at Third Rail Tavern, I never had a date that stood me up. I invited you there on purpose, because I promised myself before we left that it would be the last time I would ever try and see if there was something more than friends between us. When I propositioned you with that coin toss, and you said yes, I couldn’t believe it. I knew once we did that, there was a chance it could