tonight. I get up from the couch and walk into my bedroom to throw on a good pair of sweats with an oversized t-shirt. With hunched shoulders, I schlep back into living room and flop down on the sofa. I need all the comfort I can get right now as I sit alone and miserable, thinking how quickly I have begun to morph into my mother. Maybe I should get a pet. I think I might add that on my list. Then Ben sends me a final text:
I understand.
That’s right. I think to myself, Ben better understand that I am not okay with going back to being just friends after that.
I turn off my cell phone and lean back on the sofa to snuggle up with my cozy warm blanket. Despite the pain I feel right now from knowing this confrontation with Ben is inevitable, I know I made the right choice. The last thing I want to hear is the dreaded “friend” word right now.
I continue to watch the opening of the Bachelor when a clip from last week’s episode reveals some upcoming secret-filled cliffhanger from one of the female contestants. This juicy new development makes me wish so badly that Jessica and I were speaking. I can’t stop thinking how much it pains me not have her in my life. Because as trivial as intensely discussing the Bachelor may sound, those ridiculous debates over who the Bachelor should end up with, or who the biggest jerk is, or who is on the show for all the wrong reasons, were one of the many things that bonded us. Of course there are millions of other things of much greater importance than this outlandish show that defined our friendship. But right now, it is something as simple as this that is breaking my heart knowing she is angry with me.
I have never needed her friendship as badly as I do right now. I have no idea what to do with my feelings for Ben, and more importantly, I don’t know how to control them. Only Jessica would be able to ease my pain and be a strong listening ear when I needed one. I have to make things right between us. I look down at my computer screen and open my email. I have at least a hundred and fifty unread messages, but I choose to ignore all of them. Instead, I select the option to compose a new message. My fingers tremble as I begin to type:
Jessica,
Please do not delete this without reading it first.
I never meant to hurt you. I know you are more than angry, and trust me you have every right to be. Just know that your friendship means the world to me. You are the sister/sibling I never had. I just can’t imagine my life without you. I am so sorry.
Megan.
Before I can change my mind and discard the email, I hit the send button and exit out of my inbox. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, as I drift off for some much needed shut eye. I only hope that Jessica misses me as much as I miss her, and that she can find it in her heart to forgive me.
Chapter 24
The following week flies by like a blur. I have so many showings for my new properties and I even sold one within twenty-four hours of it being listed on the market (which is always a bonus in the real estate trade). I’ve been dealing with a million phone calls, loads of paper work and overly demanding clients. I’ve been so tied up, sometimes even after dark, closing deals and negotiating offers that there have been times when I actually forgot to go to the bathroom. It wouldn’t be until my bladder felt like it is about to explode, when I would finally bolt my way to the nearest toilet for a tinkle. Thankfully, the intensity from my workload has been a great distraction from Ben and has forced me to stay preoccupied from dwelling on my love-hindered reality.
Ever since I left Ben high and dry that night, at the Green Mill Pub, he has not once tried to contact me; but I haven’t tried to contact him either. There has not been one phone call or text or email between the two of us. Which is crazy, because in all the years I’ve known him, I don’t think either of us, has ever gone this long without talking to