hated to acknowledge his feelings here. Or anywhere. Even in his own head.
“I’ll drink to that,” Caleb said. “Feelings are overrated.”
“But the whole damned world seems to be put together by them, and no matter how much I want to, I can’t outrun them,” West said, his voice rough.
Was this what family did to you? An overflow of feelings along with stupid, immature squabbles?
People who understood you. Put up with you.
Sat with you while you vomited all your emotions out.
“It gets like that,” Jacob said, looking down, holding his beer bottle tighter.
“I didn’t want to need anybody,” he said. “Nothing in my life was ever set up for me to need someone. But when I got sent to prison I realized that I didn’t have anyone in my life who really cared about me. And that it was no way to live. There was no one to be sorry that I was put away, no one to fight on my behalf. And I suspect just like the boys at the school, just like Emmett needs community, I do too, whether I want it or not.”
There was silence for a bit, all around the table as they sat in their mutual discomfort of his sincerity.
“Well, you certainly joined the right family,” McKenna said, finally. “None of us were particularly thrilled about having to admit we needed anyone. Least of all me. Grant Dodge is the strongest man I’ve ever known. And I learned a lot from him about being brave. I learned a lot from him about being strong enough to love someone. He taught me that needing people wasn’t a bad thing. Even if he didn’t mean to teach that to me. And he resented it for a little bit.” She smiled.
“Ellie too,” Caleb said, nodding. “She made me believe in things I never did before. Mostly, she puts me to shame with how strong she is.”
Jacob nodded. “Vanessa’s been through hell in her life. And I figured that if she could be brave enough to love me, I had to let go of my own issues.”
“Jamie is made of iron and grit and everything tough,” Gabe said. “She lost her mother, she had to be so strong and independent from an early age because she felt responsible for it. All of her life she carried guilt over it. That girl broke me. She changed me. And I think it made my relationship stronger with my family too.”
The way they all spoke, with such conviction about their partners, was a hell of a thing. But then, he supposed all he could do was be grateful for his half siblings’ partners, because they had clearly paved the way for this evening to happen. Because that they had been changed by love had beaten the path down for him to be here.
Hell, it was his marriage that had led him here. It just wasn’t the kind of change they’d experienced.
West chuckled. “Well, all my ex-wife did was send me to prison.” He took a sip of beer and shook his head. “But in fairness, it’s the reason I’m here.”
He was happy for them. That they’d all figured out that it was okay for them to need people the way that they did.
He wouldn’t wish his own epiphany on anyone. But it had been that isolation that had shown him that he was going to have to find a way to make a life that included other people or...being out of prison wasn’t going to be a whole lot different than being in it.
“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” Gabe said. “Even if we all agree it would have been better if you hadn’t come via prison.”
He laughed. “Sometimes you don’t get to choose.”
They lapsed into silence, all taking drinks of their beer.
No, sometimes you didn’t get to choose.
But they had gotten to choose. Between family and being alone.
And he was pretty damned grateful that in the end they had all chosen family.
* * *
IT WAS SUNDAY night dinner, and Pansy had been tapped to bring dessert. Which was silly. They did this thing where they spread out bringing or contributing different items. Often, Pansy brought beers. Or chips. Something that didn’t require cooking.
She had gone to Sugarplum Fairy because she was not going to bake. Not when Iris and Sammy were goddesses of butter. There wasn’t any point. And they knew that, it was about lightening the workload. It was about contributing.
It was going to be a big night, because Colt and Jake