of didn’t hate it. I think what scares me most isn’t that I did it with him, it’s that I liked it. It’s not even that I’m acting out of character, it’s that I want to embrace the fact that I’m out of character. I don’t know who I am. I’m not sure I care.”
“Good,” Sammy said. “Have an affair with him. Have a wild, amazing physical only affair with him. Have sex with him in strange places, break rules.”
“I am trying to get a job as police chief. I have a ton of things on my plate. It is the worst time in the world for me to try to have...a life. I can have a life later. I can have a life when everything is settled. But I can’t have a life now.”
“No, the reason you’re having a mental breakdown is because you left having a life for way too long. The first hot cowboy you see, and you jump on him.”
“That isn’t true,” Pansy said. “There are hot cowboys around here all the time.”
Sammy laughed. “Well, Ryder is your brother.”
“And he’s your best friend,” Pansy said.
“But I’m not blind,” Sammy said.
“He has some pretty hot friends, too,” Pansy said.
Sammy waved a hand. “Whatever. My point is, the reason that you’re losing it and having sex with him in semipublic places is because you never lost it on a milder scale. Give in to this. Give in to this for your health. If you don’t, I fear that it’s going to turn you into a full-scale nymphomaniac and you’re going to start jumping every rodeo guy that comes through town. Maybe on Main Street.”
Pansy rolled her eyes. What Sammy was saying was so ridiculous she didn’t even find it embarrassing.
“Okay. But seriously, you really think that I should keep doing this?”
Because as ridiculous as Sammy seemed, she wasn’t wrong. Maybe the reason this was all so difficult was because she had never done it before. Maybe she was just so very overdue, and the combination of that and the stress at work had made her...well, sex crazed.
“Sure,” Sammy said. “It’s safe.”
“How is it safe to have sex with a man in the museum?” Iris asked.
“Well, technically it was the museum basement.”
“A basement,” Iris said. “How is that safe?”
“Well, in the sense that no one is going to go into it because it’s closed, and only certain people have keys... I guess it’s safe?” Pansy asked.
“This is ridiculous,” Iris said.
“Also we used a condom,” Pansy said, flat affect. “So. Safe in that way too.”
Iris made a small gasping noise and Sammy smirked.
“It’s kind of badass,” Rose said. “And why not? You know, all those guys who carved their names in the bathrooms at the Gold Valley Saloon... You should carve your name in the museum basement.”
“Am I the only one who didn’t know people do that?” Pansy asked.
“Yes,” Iris, Sammy and Rose said in unison.
“Well. I didn’t. And I’m not carving my name anywhere. But maybe...maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time for me to cut loose. Just with him. And then I can still get my job, and everything will be okay. But I can... I can be a little crazy. In a controlled environment.” She snapped her fingers. “It’s like a controlled burn. A controlled burn so that there doesn’t end up being a whole giant wildfire. Forestry management. Lust management.”
Sammy nodded sagely. “Yes. Yes.”
“Controlled burns require experts,” Iris said. “Otherwise things get out of control.”
“Well,” Pansy said. “West is an expert. So I’m just going to have to trust him.”
“Trusting the ex-con cowboy?”
“He didn’t do it,” she said.
Rose shook her head. “You’ve become a cowboy apologist.”
“Well, are you going to be mad at me if I do this?” she asked, directing that question to Iris. Iris looked at her for a long moment, and something in her face reminded Pansy of their mother. Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe she didn’t really know. Maybe she was being silly. Maybe she was misremembering. Maybe it was just what she thought maternal might look like. Maybe it wasn’t their own mother she saw at all. But it still made her think of her. And it made her feel morose.
“I’m not mad,” Iris said. “I just worry about you.”
She got up from her chair and went and embraced her sister. “I know you do,” she said. “You don’t have to.”
“I know you’re a police officer and all, Pansy. And I know that you’ve been through your share of trauma, and you