I didn’t even want it to be true. I wish I’d been with someone else first. So that...this was easier. Because I really wanted this. And I have a feeling that it would’ve been...a lot simpler if I’d done it before.”
Perversely, he found that on a primal level he was glad he’d been the first. But maybe it all tied in with whatever the hell made her so irresistible to him.
That good girl, bad boy thing.
That desire to take someone like her and bring her down to his level.
“Nothing was ever going to make this simple,” he said.
And of all the things that he knew in that moment, he knew that best of all.
“Don’t...don’t worry about it,” she said, moving away from him and looking for her clothes. Even with things the way they were, he couldn’t help but admire that pretty, toned body of hers.
He was only a man, and simple enough after all.
“Do you want me to walk you back?”
Her body went stiff.
Everything in him said that he ought to, because it was the gentlemanly thing to do. And while he might not be a gentleman in the classical sense, he certainly knew how to play the part.
“I really don’t,” she said.
She wanted to be alone. And he supposed that he should respect that. Supposed that he should take the hint.
But he wasn’t the kind of man who had ever been good at taking hints.
Or, outright statements, really.
“It’s dark,” he said, moving to dress himself. He discarded the condom in the wastebasket next to the couch and began to get dressed.
By the time they walked out of the barn she looked like she was ready to fold in on herself. So he walked next to her, with a healthy amount of space between. But he just felt like he should be there. The dark offered a little bit of privacy anyway.
Of course, Pansy Daniels would laugh if she knew that he was walking her back home with half a mind to keep her safe.
He had a feeling she was sure and certain she could protect herself and didn’t need any interference from him. And fair enough. She was a tough woman. And she had gone up like flames in his hands.
But she had also been a virgin. And he was under the impression that was a big deal.
He’d felt a little bit raw and confused after his first time, granted he’d been younger. A lot younger. But he imagined that it was the same no matter what age you were.
Hell.
He felt a little bit raw right now. It was the first time in a long time for him, and the first time with a new lover in longer. And as much as he wanted to pretend that nothing affected him, this did.
She did.
He was no kind of hero. Never had been. He needed to figure out how to be a little bit more of one. He had Emmett living under his roof, and he had stripped Pansy naked and been the first man to be inside of her.
They might need different things from him, but they both needed something.
And he couldn’t recall ever having been needed by anyone before.
His wife had liked his lifestyle and his money, but she had come from that. Took it as her due. And he hadn’t taken care of her in an emotional sense. Not at all.
He’d been the kind of husband a woman like her wanted to have. Tall and good-looking, with the means to keep her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to.
Likewise, she’d been just what he’d wanted. Pretty, polished, a gateway to a certain part of society.
They’d had a decent sex life, and he’d imagined that had meant something to her.
Except it hadn’t been enough.
Whatever he’d been, it had never been enough.
His mother didn’t particularly want to take care of him, his wife had seen him as an easy scapegoat.
Yeah. He was going to have to figure out how to be a hell of a lot more to get through all of this.
When they got to the edge of the drive that led up to her house she stopped. “Okay,” she said. “We’re here.”
He turned to face her, and wanted to find something to say. He failed at it.
“What?” she asked.
“Did anybody ever tuck you in at night?”
He didn’t know why the hell he’d asked that question.
“Is that a... Are you...you hitting on me?”
“No,” he said. Though, now that she mentioned it he wouldn’t mind tucking her in. “It