didn’t know in this moment if she was grieving for the loss of her job, or for the loss of West.
West.
She had lost West.
She didn’t think she’d ever be okay again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
WEST DIDN’T FIND himself on the Dalton ranch at night all that often anymore.
And of course, he wouldn’t be able to just run into his half brother Caleb by happenstance, seeing as his brother was now happily engaged, and didn’t have any reason to be out doing late-night wandering.
So he called him.
And few things had pained him more.
But his brother had come. Even in the darkness.
The two of them mounted up on their horses, with headlamps as guides.
“So what’s going on?” Caleb asked.
“I thought... I thought we might re-create our late-night ride. Because I’m in desperate need of a similar miracle. Crappy thing is, it’s not anywhere near Christmas, and it’s entirely possible that a little bit of holiday magic played into your success story.”
“Well, I don’t know about that,” Caleb said.
“No,” West said. “But then, I don’t know much of anything.”
“You might need to start from the beginning.”
So West did. Starting with the ticket Pansy had written him when he had rolled into town, ending with her rejecting an offer of love he hadn’t even been planning on making.
But he realized that he couldn’t hold a damn thing back from her if he wanted to keep her. Because she deserved more and better. Because she deserved a man who was certain of his feelings.
When his wife’s betrayal had sent him to prison, it was the consequences of that which had hurt him.
Being in prison sucked.
But this actually felt worse. And it was simply because a life without Pansy wasn’t one he wanted to live in.
“I’m a goner,” he said. “I would have told you that I couldn’t have ever loved a woman like this. Not ever loved anyone like this. It’s all your fault,” he said.
“How is it my fault?” Caleb asked.
“All y’all,” he said. “Gabe, Jacob, you. McKenna. Emmett. This whole family thing. You said that all of your significant others helped you deal with the situation with your family. Well my damn family made me think that maybe I could fall in love. Because look at all of you. None of you are less of a mess than I am. And look at you. Married. Engaged. Happy.”
“Not for lack of fighting it,” Caleb said.
Silence settled over them as they continued to ride the horses under the cover of the darkness. West knew that to be true. He knew that Caleb fought for what he had.
He knew that he had encouraged him to do it.
“She said no,” Caleb said. “She said no to me too.”
“Yeah. And I had no idea how fucking miserable that was.”
“You gave some pretty good advice all the same. The thing is, I had accepted that I loved Ellie a long time ago. I had also accepted that I couldn’t have her. I spent a lot longer sitting with my feelings than she did with hers. So when I was ready to make it all or nothing...she wasn’t.”
“She thinks she messed up getting the job she wanted because she was late. Because of me.”
“Why exactly was she late because of you?”
“I’m giving you a look right now,” West said. “I know you can’t see it. But if you could, you’d get it.”
“The usual reason then,” Caleb said.
“Yep. That part we’ve got no problem with. It works a little too good. Kept us from talking when we probably should have. But then, I think we were using it as an excuse to be together.” He snorted. “Yeah, burn out the sexual attraction. Keep it physical. I mean, it’s a damn fine excuse. But mostly, I think we like to be together. I think neither of us wanted to admit it.”
“I relate to that too,” Caleb said. “Here’s what I know. Love is complicated. And it’s a damn scary business. Pansy’s lost people. And...that’s tough. It’s tough to move on from.”
“She’s got this idea that she has to be something particular to honor her father’s memory.”
“Deals you make with the dead are pretty damned hard to get out of later,” Caleb said. “As a man engaged to my best friend’s widow, I can speak to that pretty solidly. I promised him I’d take care of her. But the trouble was, I was also in love with her. And what I had to realize was that when you lose a person...they’re gone from here. What they