doing something monumental to me and I no longer cared.
She didn’t answer my questions, only panted into the quiet room filled with the soft glow of lighting from behind the crown molding that circled the ceiling. I didn’t ask her again; instead, I cupped her over her soft underwear harshly, pressing the heel of my palm in the crevice just above her pubic bone and applying pressure at her covered entrance with my fingertips. I could feel the moisture on the pads of my fingers, soaked through the material of her underwear.
Her breathing stopped, her legs came up as she tried to pull them into her, and she covered her face with her hands. She didn’t need to tell me to stop for me to pull my hand away. I wrapped my fingers around her tiny wrists and coaxed her hands from her face, needing to see her.
“Look at me, Ivy. Calm down and look at me.”
After a moment of heavy breathing, she finally opened her eyes again but trained them on the ceiling. I watched as a single tear ran down the side of her face. The sight of Ivy crying left me hollowed out and aching. Knowing I had caused that tear to fall from her eye felt like a knife to my chest, carving my heart out and leaving me lifeless.
I leaned my body over hers, cupping her cheeks in my hand while trying to silently convince her to look at me. I desperately kissed her lips, quick yet forceful. That made her look at me and I pulled my face as close to hers without losing focus on her panicked eyes.
“Ivy, you’re okay. Talk to me, please. Tell me what’s going on. What happened?”
She shook her head in quick, short jerks.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“Then what happened?”
“I don’t know. I told you, I can’t do this.”
I relaxed and pressed my forehead to hers. “Yes you can. You were doing it. You were fine. Just breathe for a second. Take a look around; you’re safe here—you’re safe with me. I promise, Ivy; I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know. I’m sorry… I just freaked out.”
“Do you want me to stop?” God, why did I keep asking that? Even though, I knew why I continually asked. It was because I cared about her wellbeing. I cared about her more than I had ever cared about anyone before.
Her answer stunned and excited me. “No. Don’t stop.”
“Are you enjoying it or are you forcing yourself to continue. Don’t do this if you’re hesitant. I want you to enjoy it.” I couldn’t help but think about her retelling of the last time she had sex when she forced herself to keep going. I didn’t want that. Not for her or for me. I would never be able to look at myself again if that’s what she was doing.
Her legs relaxed and fell back to the table. “Was I… you know… wet?”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little at her. “I think you already know that answer. You ready?” I asked and as soon as she nodded, I quickly moved my hand back to the warm space between her thighs. I kept one hand on her face, keeping my eyes on hers so that I could watch for any hint of her pulling away from me.
I made sure to keep my fingers focused on the tiny ball of nerves, steering clear of the wet spot, no matter how much my mind wandered there. I couldn’t afford for her to shut down again. With a little pressure from the tips of my fingers, I began to run in slow, concentrated circles. Her breaths picked up and I noticed her eyes begin to lose focus.
“Don’t fight it,” I warned, knowing she was close.
I increased the speed and pressure of my fingers, causing her back to arch slightly off the table and her head to tilt back. I felt her left leg begin to pull up as she dug her heel into the cushioned pad. Her breathing changed as well—instead of coming out in short pants, she was beginning to hold her breath and I knew she was right on the edge.
“Cade, I have to pee,” she fought back.
“No you don’t, Ivy. Stop fighting it.”
“No… I really have to pee.”
“Ivy, you don’t have to pee. I promise. Stop fighting it and let it go. Look at me.” I waited until her eyes refocused and then said, “Let me give this to you, please. Stop fighting