I gushed. “That’s a perfect idea.” I was almost pissed I didn’t think of it…almost.
He rubbed his hands over his worn face, leaning over the tray-table. “I got it! What about Bella Mia?”
“Translates to…” I didn’t want to come off as snotty, but I didn’t know a lick of Italian.
“Well, my beauty in Italian is bellezza mia. That doesn’t work, but Bella Mia does. It’s all in the interpretation, and it fits her. It fits us.”
Happiness and contentment replaced the pain and anxiety I’d felt. I said it out loud a few times…seeing how it sounded. And it fit perfectly. “I love it. We have a name…” I squealed, and winced in pain at the same time.
The past already gone. The future was not yet here. However, in this present moment, we named our daughter and the symbolism behind it was a treasure beyond pretty words or sonnets.
“I’d do anything to see that smile…” His voice sounded full of pride. It was that pride and adoration that glued all the fractured pieces of my damaged heart in place. He was thread woven into the fabric of my soul. He’s the sun in the rain. My relief in pain. The moon, stars, and universe. But at the end of the day…he’s the father to my daughter, and we are family.
We both shared our love for each other to equal measure. As there is no one without the other. So, as the sun set and the room grew dim, he hopped onto the bed, drawing me close, and began to recount the good, bad, and the ugly events of the day.
The following morning, Chance brought a fresh change of clothes and sat with Beauty while I showered. I didn’t want her alone for a moment. Her emotions were all over the place, and I was concerned enough to speak with the nurse privately. She was kind enough to explain in detail what some mothers can experience after delivery. My other concern was Gia’s bi-polar disorder and how all this distress would affect it.
She began slowly, but academically… “The days after birth are a time of mercurial emotions—feelings change from one moment to the next, along with quickly fluctuating hormones and a rapidly shifting sense of identity,” she explained and I nodded for her to continue. “If the birth of the child wasn’t how the mother envisioned it, particularly if trauma was involved, the emotions are even more likely to swing from one extreme to the other. Ms. Mastro had a cesarean birth, and even though one was already scheduled and planned for, she went into labor early. Which happens all the time. But”—she lifted her index finger, shaking it—”what was unexpected was the level of trauma her body and psyche went through.”
“Yes, we never expected anything like today. I never want to live through that again—ever.”
“I don’t blame you. It was traumatizing for you, and the infant as well. So, you all suffered to some degree. But her body, and mind, are just catching up. She needs time and perspective to understand more deeply what she feels…whether it’s anger, disappointment, self-reflections, or tears. Keeping it pent up is no good for anyone.”
I blew out a deep breath. “What can I do?”
“What you’re doing…being supportive and loving her. It’s the best medicine in the world. I would let the doctor know your concerns. He’ll address them with you both. Also, there are herbal remedies that some people find helpful.” She handed me a sheet from a folder she held in her hands.
I took it, folding it into a little square, and stuffed it into my pocket. I’d have Chance make sure we had her recommendations in the house.
After taking a quick shower and dressing, I sat in the other seat across from Chance. I had some guilt about not informing the gang what was going on. However, my father stepped up and filled them in. There just wasn’t a moment I felt secure enough to leave either of my girls. My own emotions were all over the place. I was still trying to wrap my head around yesterday’s events. I left out some of the more troubling parts, as I didn’t want to add to Gia’s anxiety.
Chance handed me the LA Times. “She made their page six,” he said proudly.
I opened the paper, thumbing to page six. Born to Rock—Welcome Bella Mia Gunner, born to Abel Gunner (Lethal Abel) and his fiancée, Gia Mastro, July 6th, 2015. “You see the nightmare outside? You