unspoken words. I love you.
My tears leaked over my puffy cheeks and onto my swollen lips. “Why would you ever want to be with a…nothing? I come from nothing. I am nothing. How could I possibly be a good mother?” I blinked away the fresh tears. “Do you know how damaged and fucked up I am?”
He wiped my tears with the back of his hand and leaned in close. His voice steady and powerful. “You still don’t get it, do you? You. Are. Everything.” His lips took hold of mine and I abandoned myself to him. I found strength in his words as they echoed in my mind, but mainly, it was the mutual despair his eyes held that strengthened me.
He spoke the words, but my heart felt like it was bleeding. Wrapped haphazardly in years’ worth of fear and secrets. It wasn’t easily discarded. I prayed one day I’d find the freedom and would no longer struggle in the dark…
The morning dew settled where the memories of the past were washed away and a new day began. It was a beautiful day in LA. I decided to get some sun out by the pool. Neat, manicured vegetation grew on the far end of the infinity pool. I sat entranced by the beauty that lay beyond, the unobstructed view of Hollywood laid out before me. And it was stunning. I sat in my favorite lounge chair and watched the condensation drip from the pitcher of iced-tea. Cindy. We needed to catch up. The time here was one in the afternoon and she was an hour ahead. Perfect. It was after lunchtime. I scrolled to Cindy’s number, hit call, and sat back.
She answered after the second ring. “I was just thinking about you, Gia. I miss your crazy ass.” She huffed—must’ve been out running errands. “Wait, are you in labor?”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “No, I’m only in my second trimester…and I miss you like crazy.” We only spent long weekends together since Germany. “Listen, we’re having a big Fourth of July party. It gives you plenty of time to figure shit out. Who knows, maybe the baby will come early. Do you want to miss that?”
She sighed heavily. “Of course not! And by people…do you mean that Mc-Irish prick?”
I felt her pain. I really did. She fell hard for Woody, and was still in denial. I long suspected she held a special place in his heart. However, Woody loved the whole scene and was nowhere near ready to settle down. Cindy had a blasé attitude about it, and regarded her time with Woody as a fleeting affair. I saw through her thick skin and deep into her heart. After all, she was my closest friend and I had a doctorate in denying feelings. But, her life was in Colorado, and a good one. A secure job with Gunner ESQ, and she was Mr. Gunner’s right hand. It didn’t hurt that he paid her well. He had been a gem in the past by letting her spend weeks with me on tour. I didn’t know what I would’ve done without his intervening or her loyal friendship.
“Why so angry, Cin?” The banter that followed was good for my soul. I’d missed her and our girl-time—it had been a while since I had any. Abel’s mom had flown out a few times. However, after learning about what she did to Chance, I kept her at arm’s length. Her relationship with Abel was held together by the barest thread. His face held no love, only disgust. Believe me, I got his pain, and I tried my hardest to help bridge the gap…figuring it would be healthier for our family as a whole. We had a new life we were bringing into the world, and maybe the past should stay in the past.
“Nah, not angry. Just callin’ it like I see it. Anyway, I’m sure that caveman has you plenty occupied.” Her voice mixed with sarcasm and promise. She was breaking down. I could hear it.
“This is true, but there’s nothing like having your girl.” I hinted, but then decided to beg. “Please…I’ll send you a ticket, and you know you can stay here.”
“I don’t need a ticket. I can buy my own.”
“So, you’ll come?” I was already bouncing in my chair.
“Do you really think I’d ever say no? I’m only considering, because I miss you, the potential for hot guys is high, and I could have a brand new baby Abel or