Better to resolve it properly now than have it come back to bite my ass in the future. I didn’t anticipate Gia changing her mind. But it wasn’t a chance I wanted to take. She’d be buried at a local cemetery. In an average coffin with no headstone. If Gia, at some point, had a change of heart, she could be the one to mark her mother’s grave. That would be her decision alone. My eyes moved over Bella’s sleeping face and the love in my heart for her warmed me. She was as angelic as Gia when sleeping. I covered her little legs with her blanket and strode over to check on Beauty. I fingered away the loose hair around her face, and forced down my own hunger. I wanted to feel her warmth, push into her, and revel in her wet slit. However, tonight wasn’t the night for that. We had the rest of our lives to enjoy each other.
I rolled onto my side, drawing Beauty into my arms. I kissed the back of her head, breathing in the fresh scent of her shampoo. “Only good dreams, my love,” I whispered. My own exhaustion setting in the moment my head hit the pillow.
We slept peacefully within each other’s arms, safe from the nightmares that had been tormenting our sleep when the wails of a hungry baby woke us. “I’ll get her,” I said, throwing the covers off.
Gia sat up quickly, grabbing pillows to support her back. She held out her arms and I placed our angel in them. “There’s my hungry girl.” She cooed as I studied her face and body language, searching for any sign of hesitation or distress. She wore nothing but a genuine smile.
My instincts told me it couldn’t be this easy. There would be grief on some basic level, followed by the other stages of emotions that went with death. However, I’d deal with that if and when the time came. And pray like a motherfucker she’d let me be her emotional shadow and take some of the burden off her shoulders onto mine.
I never felt I could share the difficulties and challenges I experienced in my own life, because my life was one big contradiction. Until Gia. She understood better than anyone. Her own life was a contradiction to the one she portrayed. So I would do everything in my power to surround her with positive energy and feelings.
“You have your final fitting today? Do you want Chance to cancel?” I asked, prepared for any answer she gave. I wouldn’t blame her at all if she wasn’t up to it.
She looked up from our daughter’s face. “Why would I cancel my fitting?”
Reluctant to rehash the night before, I side-stepped the issue. “I’m good with whatever you are, babe. No pressure,” I added as I walked to the shower. “We’ll be recording here today. So if you need anything—even just a kiss—you know where to find me.”
Her eyes twinkled and a saucy smile crossed her face. “Count on that, rock star.”
Even though I was home, it was still a working day, and I was late meeting the band. The boys were already grabbing some food when I made it down the stairs.
Woody saluted me with a fresh beignet. Jake nodded and was unusually quiet while Ender sat, staring at Jessie like a love-sick pup. Chance came around the breakfast bar, handing me my coffee mug of espresso. “Morning, how is she?” he asked while the boys curiously listened in.
I took a gulp, needing the caffeine. “Oddly, she’s okay.” I paused. “For now.”
Chance chewed on that thought for a moment. “She has her final fitting. Cheri is doing it here. It just made sense with the baby and the circus behind the gates…” His words trailed off and I could hear the worry in his soft tone.
“Your fucking worrying is giving me a knot already. She knows about the fitting, and is fine. So let’s not feed this monster. Treat her the way you normally would. Please,” I said while grabbing my favorite pastry. Ever since Michael learned of my affection for beignets, he’s made them every morning. I bit into the powdery goodness with pleasure, nearly moaning as the taste hit my tongue.
Chance retreated to his office. And the boys and I got to work.
Jake and I plugged into our amps, but I was curious what his issue was. “Yo, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing.” He blew me off. “If there’s anything I could ever