about us.”
“Really? Are you sure about that?” he spat back as Mario brought two espressos with a rind of lemon.
I nodded to Mario my thanks and waited for him to be out of hearing range before responding. “Completely and utterly positive. It’s the one thing I know for sure. I want to marry my girl.” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Good.” He let out a deep chuckle.
“What’s so fucking funny?”
He regarded me with narrowed eyes. “You remind me so much of myself at your age. So stormy, so eager, so single-minded, but when you love, you play for keeps.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, excuse me if I can’t picture the stormy side of you.”
“We share the stormy and dark. It’s who we are, who my father was, and his father before him. Some genes are just dominant. Nothing wrong with being self-assured and going after what makes you happy…whatever it is. Be it physical, spiritual, or mental.”
We shared a laugh, and it was something I’d always remember. His ever-guiding hand taught, even when you didn’t know you were being schooled. I had to give it to my father. He was a wise fucker with some swag. All-powerful and all-consuming, and when I wasn’t high, we were able to have a relationship.
We left Mario’s place thanking him for a wonderful meal and the privacy he provided. He did us a solid. I also promised I’d come back with Gia, using the main entrance.
On the way back to the hospital, my father finally brought up my mother. “You know your mother wants to be an active part in your life as a grandparent. Can we at least start to rebuild your relationship there?”
“Why should I forgive all that she’s done? And what hope do I have that she won’t disappoint Gia and Bella…cause them harm down the road? Why would I take the chance with my family?” I asked angrily. I turned to face the window defensively. I didn’t want to ruin the time we shared and the effort he put into the afternoon with this shit—her.
“Well, you can hold on to the anger and resentment, of course. It’s always your choice. However, if you embrace forgiveness, you move forward. If you think part of your bitterness in life doesn’t stem from your lack of relationship with your mother, you’re naïve.”
I turned toward him to rail against my mother. But the frustration was written in the frown lines on his face, and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I had my feelings about it, and he had his. It was clear our emotions and thoughts rivaled each other’s. But who was right? Who was wrong? What if there wasn’t a clear answer?…
I closed my mouth and chewed on what he said for a few minutes. Could I find forgiveness in the murky waters of my mother’s and my relationship? Holding on to that resentment kept the fires burning in the pit of my stomach. Kept the darkness alive. Was I ready to let some of that go? I didn’t know… “I will try to tolerate her, but I don’t know if I can forget, and therefore, forgive what she did. This is bigger than me, you know. What about Chance?”
He frowned. “I know. We all live with demons, Abel. You should know that better than anyone. Are you arrogant enough to think that you’re the only one to be forgiven…judged less for your misgivings. Imagine your life without redemption…”
When I was about to answer, the driver opened my door and interrupted my response. We both got out of the car, and my father opened the door to the basement of the hospital—the one we escaped from earlier. We took the same dark, quiet route through the underbelly of the hospital. I carried a small takeout bag of pasta and cannoli for Beauty that I grabbed before leaving, knowing she would want something better than bland hospital food to eat, while my father held something for my mother. I didn’t know if Gia could eat anything solid yet, but if she could…I wanted to be the one to give it to her.
We approached the morgue’s window, and my father stopped short of me, causing me to nearly run him over. He turned to me with a grim but purposeful look on his face. My heart raced and pounded beneath the walls of my chest…sweat beads lined my brow.
“How do you feel?” he asked with heavy emotion in his thick voice.
“Not fucking