awful?”
“Fine,” Dave said. “If we mutually agree that it’s awful, we can leave early.”
“Nuh-uh,” I said. “If I think it’s awful.”
“Yeah, totally, if both of us agree that it’s awful.”
“No, you’re not . . . you’re not hearing me right.”
We went on like this, talking nonsense for the rest of the ride, while I stared at Dave. My brain was doing that crazy thing where it made the curve of his face look so soft and so adorable, and where the sweep of his jacket down the line of his body made me want to, like, throw him onto the nearest soft surface and kiss him. Stupid, hateful, troublemaking brain.
You’re bored, I tried to tell myself. He bores you. Especially the sex. The sex is very tedious.
Any residual good feelings were blasted away by homecoming. The chaperones knew me, so they pulled me close and tried to sniff my breath, and the vice principal asked where all my friends were. “Ticket sales were low this year,” he said. “Is there some other event happening?”
Inside, the music was loud and frantic, and the awkwardness was thick. Without the Ninety-Nine to liven things up, the school was making a poor showing. Almost nobody was dancing. Lots of people were sitting down. Lots of people were looking outward with soft, pathetic eyes. I knew I ought to pull Dave out to dance, but something in my stomach ached, and I just couldn’t do it.
We stood in a corner, smiling at each other, and Dave tried to say something, but I couldn’t hear him. He repeated it a few times, but I shrugged helplessly. I knew it wasn’t nice, but I didn’t lean closer, didn’t try to make myself understand.
We ended up on a pair of chairs in a dark corner, watching several chaperones sway to the music.
When Henry and Kendall came in, I thought they’d pierce our silence, and Hen did wave and approach, but he was immediately stopped by some girl I didn’t know, and he introduced Kendall, who looked very stiff and uncomfortable, but now, in the presence of more and more people, Henry seemed to gleam in the light, and I saw Kendall acquire a look of shy worship.
Henry was much more popular and better known than I could’ve imagined, and for as long as I looked at him, he was never alone.
Now Dave nudged me and gave me a smile, and I smiled back, feeling my heart sinking. I had a very “on display” feeling. I didn’t see anybody looking at us, but in my mind we were spotlighted.
Of course, like always, there were groups of people together, laughing, dancing, having fun, and I knew I ought to join them.
I stood up, walked a few steps, but Dave didn’t follow, so I sat back down. He rested his head against my shoulder, and normally if we were at school, I’d have pushed him off, but since today was our last day, I put an arm around him, because that’s what you do, and we watched all the people moving through the room in their fancy clothes.
Maybe this was a good way of saying goodbye. There really was something sad about it. An entire roomful of kids, and I didn’t know their names. I saw them every day, and every one of them was as special and alive as I was, but we passed each other in total anonymity.
I yelled into Dave’s ear, “Hey, should we dance?”
“I don’t want to. I’m actually enjoying this.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! It’s nice!”
If it was gonna be our last night, I ought to do what he wanted, so I sat there, wriggling my butt periodically when it was about to fall asleep. All around the room there were camera flashes from what seemed like hundreds of selfies, but Dave didn’t make a move to take out his phone and neither did I. Suddenly I had a suspicion that maybe Dave had fallen asleep, but when I looked down, his fingertips were rubbing against the sides of his pants.
The music was quieter now, and we could’ve talked, if we’d had anything to say.
When a slow song came on, he said, “Do you still want to dance?”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “It’d be something to do.”
I felt the whistle-hiss of his anxiety as he looked across the crowd.
“Okay,” he said. “Let’s do it.”
On the dance floor, we swayed gently, our bodies close together. Hen, still by the sidelines, gave me a wave, and I felt my insides flare up. I