said, “Thank you for telling me, and of course it doesn’t matter, and can you please invite him over sometime?” And afterward we got emotional and nostalgic and talked about how she and I really needed to spend more time together!
I kept expecting, and fearing, she’d ask something like “How long have you known?” And I wasn’t sure how I’d answer. Even now, this felt unreal—part of me still considered it a joke or a trick, something to shake up my life—and when she finally left to go to sleep, after a while my whole body started shaking from silent laughter. I fell into bed, stuffing my face into the pillow, and, not knowing if this insane feeling was real or if I was playacting, I convulsed as the air gushed out of my lungs and into the fabric of the pillow.
The next day I told Dave I’d come out to my mom. He excitedly asked if he could tell his parents too, and I was like whatever, sure. He had to study all day, and my mom was at work, and I was all alone on the couch, browsing on my phone.
Mari texted me an “I’m sorry,” and I texted back a question mark.
Mari: Just apologizing for how I’ve been acting since you guys got together. I went a little crazy, and Jessie said it might’ve been a little objectifying.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
Mari: No but seriously, she said you guys seemed uncomfortable.
Me: Lol, don’t believe Jessie. We’re fine.
Mari: So let’s not talk about Dave. What else is new?
Me: I came out to my mom last night.
The pause lasted for just a moment.
Mari: WHAT?!?!?!?!?! DOES THIS MEAN YOU AND DAVE ARE BOYFRIENDS?!?!?!?!?!?!
Me: You’re amazing at staying cool. Just amazing at it.
Mari: HOW DID SHE TAKE IT? WAS IT HARD?
Me: It was totally fine.
Mari: CAN I COME OVER? WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!
Mari bounced into my apartment with an excited gleam in her eye. She jumped onto the couch, looking very much like a little sister, and gave me a dreamy sigh. “What a weekend.”
“So you’re still hanging out with Avani?”
“Yep!”
“And she’s still pretty mad at Carrie?”
“So pissed!” Mari said. “Lady Macbeth angry! So much crying! But she and Carrie had like a little peace summit at the mall today. It was so cute. I swear my eyes turned into little hearts like an anime character.”
“Do you need to do your homework or something?” I said. “You clearly got nothing done today.”
“Uhh, no, right now, we’re gabbing,” she said. “Time for a gab sesh.”
“Oooooooookay.”
She grimaced. “I mean unless you don’t want me here. . . .”
I got up, shook out my shoulders and legs, and restrained this weird urge to go loping around the room and hooting to myself like a monkey. Instead, I flopped onto the couch, and she, uninvited, curled up next to me, burrowing into my side.
“So . . . ,” she said. “What happened with your mom?! How did she take it?”
“Fine. It was cool.”
“Why’d you come out? Why now? Did something happen with Dave? Are you gay or bi? Does he know? What does he think? Are you gonna tell anybody else? Will you come out at school? How about Hen? Hey, does Hen know?!”
“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” I said. “Umm, it was pretty sudden. Just an impulse. I don’t enjoy feeling as if it’s a secret. About school, I don’t know. . . .”
We went through her questions at extensive length, and it was unsettling to be the focus of so much personal attention. Mari was willing to talk forever about the details of my life. I had no answers for her, not even about my own emotions and my own plans, much less about what my mom or Dave must’ve felt, but she seemed happy to soak in the bath of my own confusion.
“Hey, by the way, how did you two actually get together at the lake house?” she said. “Dave gave me zero details.”
“Umm,” I said. “Well . . . it was funny, actually.” I told her about Pothan’s sex advice—she shrieked again (“You mean all that advice was for hooking up with me?”)—and I told her the way Dave had lured me upstairs and tried to make a move.
“And it worked,” she said.
“Yep, I guess.”
“How do you feel?” Mari said. “When I first told her, Avani was so like, No, no, no, Nandan comes off that way, but he’s really not gay, then we talked about it a