and I love him. And he’s barely twenty. He has lots of years to mature. I was a brat when I was young too.”
I chuckled, remembering all too well how much of a brat she’d been when she was younger.
Under the table, Fee kicked my foot. “Watch it, buddy.”
I winced. “Ow. Merda. If you came to abuse me, you can both just leave.”
Fee grinned. At the other end of the table, Marco shook his head and said, “Let’s just hope your father’s health holds up, because none of us want Jasper leading House Merrick anytime soon.”
“He’s not that bad,” Felicity said.
“He’s not Giovanni bad,” Marco said, looking across the table at her, “but Jasper’s definitely nowhere ready for any kind of leadership role. It should fall to you not him.”
“I don’t want it,” Felicity said matter-of-factly.
“You’re smart,” I muttered, swallowing what was left in my glass.
Across from me, I felt Natalie’s eyes on me, which only made my blood run hotter, so I averted my gaze.
“You’re the oldest?” Natalie asked. “I didn’t realize that.”
“Yes,” Fee answered, “but the Houses are all still very patriarchal, so I don’t have to worry about being the heir to House Merrick. That’s Jasper’s responsibility.”
“The British royal family just changed the laws of succession for the crown,” Marco pointed out.
“They’re figureheads,” Felicity said with a frown. “You know that.”
“Yeah, but your father played a part in that decision. And he’s been talking about changing the line of succession within House Merrick since before we met. He knows Jasper’s not as tough as you.”
Felicity huffed and looked my way. “Do you hear him? If it were up to him, we’d both be ruling our Houses.”
Yeah, I heard him. And even in my inebriated state, I didn’t like what he was saying.
I shot him a look and leaned back in my chair. “It’s a bad idea. One you shouldn’t be encouraging.”
“Why? Because you don’t think a woman can rule? That’s bullshit, and we both know it.”
I chanced one look at Natalie, who was listening to the entire conversation with wide eyes. “No.” I fixed my gaze back on Marco. “Because it’s dangerous. House Merrick might be progressive, but you know damn well the heads of the other Houses will never accept a woman in charge.”
“Well, they just might need to. All the Houses need to change. That’s the point of everything we’re doing.”
He was about to launch into a discussion about all the reasons I needed to step up and take my position with House Salvatici, and I wasn’t in the mood to hear it. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about Houses or responsibilities or the fucking mess I’d been born into. I didn’t give a shit about my House, and I was tired of being pulled in a thousand different directions all because of my bloodline.
What I wanted to do was drag Natalie upstairs and let her distract me from the memories and fears and stresses swirling inside me. What I was going to do was go up there alone because I still didn’t trust myself not to lose control with her.
I pushed back from the table and reached for my empty glass. “I’m sorry to be a party pooper, but I’m tired. I think I’m just gonna head to bed.”
Felicity gazed up at me with concerned green eyes. “Really? It’s early yet.”
“Yeah.” I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Didn’t sleep well last night.” To Marco, I said, “Thanks for dinner.”
I could tell from the scowl on Marco’s face that he knew I was retreating from the conversation, but I didn’t care.
And I didn’t even look toward Natalie because I was afraid if I did, my self-control would shatter and I really would drag her up those stairs with me.
I set my empty glass on the counter in the kitchen and gave a halfhearted wave as I headed for the stairs. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
“Night, Luc,” Felicity called.
“Night,” I heard Marco say.
And from Natalie, I got nothing. Which was probably for the best. Because I had no idea what I was going to do with my wife.
Which made me feel like absolute shit, because more and more, I was thinking it would have been better if she’d left me that night in Italy and never come back.
After our conversation the other day about kids, that had become glaringly clear to me. I could go on fooling myself that I wasn’t ruining her life, but I couldn’t avoid the cold, hard truth.
I was