is very different from that of a woman. Luc has spent his whole life trying to find some modicum of control in a world where he really has none. They took what little control he thought he had in that ritual when they brought you there to watch. That fucked with his head way more than that ritual fucked with his body. Right now, it’s important that he feels safe. What you’re doing—comforting him, giving him whatever kind of sex he wants, even if it’s just vanilla—is what he needs right now to heal. He’ll let you know when he’s ready for more.”
Everything she said made sense, but I was still worried. “That’s just it, though. He doesn’t see what they did to him as rape because he agreed to it.”
“That doesn’t matter. He didn’t willingly choose that to happen. They pretty much gave him no choice. If he hadn’t agreed to the ritual, they would have gone after you.”
”I know that.” I braced my hand on my forehead, sick all over again at the impossible position they’d put him in. “But he won’t talk to me about it. Not about the ritual or the rape or the beating. Every time I try to bring any of it up, he changes the subject. How is he ever going to heal—emotionally or sexually—if he won’t talk about it?”
“It’s only been a couple of weeks, Natalie.”
“I know, but I feel this dark cloud looming over us. Every day, the wounds on his back are getting better, but his head and his heart aren’t. And what happens when they force me to take him back to Italy? This isn’t a permanent situation. We all know that. They want him back. I’m just scared to death what going back too soon will do to him. He’s not himself yet. I don’t even know if he’s ever going to be the man I knew before. And I have no idea what facing them—when he’s still so unstable—will make him do.”
“I hear you,” Felicity said. “You have every reason to be concerned. But I want you to keep a couple of things in mind. First, Luc is strong. He will get through this. And he has you to help him. That’s a huge plus. He loves you, he trusts you. If anyone can help him heal, it’s you. But second and most importantly, we have time. Marco will get a heads-up when they want him back. And if that’s sooner than we hope, Marco will figure out a way to stall. It doesn’t benefit anyone for Luc to go back before he’s ready. We’re here to help you both, Natalie. We’ll do whatever we can to help Luc in his recovery.”
I knew she meant every word. But I also knew Marco and Felicity had their own agenda. They wanted Luc healthy so that when he eventually took his father’s position as the Grand Duke, he could challenge the leaders of his House and instigate a rebellion.
But I didn’t give a shit about any of that. All I cared about was Luc and finding a way to bring back the confident, sexy, charismatic man I’d fallen in love with. And I was deathly afraid that I was never going to be able to reach that man.
“Has he setup an appointment with the counselor I wrote down before I left?” Felicity asked.
“No. And I haven’t pushed after the first time I suggested it, when he nearly lost it with me.”
“Probably smart. Leave the name out somewhere he can see it. Maybe that will get him thinking about talking to someone. And in the meantime, just keep doing what you’re doing. He’ll get there, Natalie. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but this will get better.”
I tried to tell myself that all through the rest of our call, but by the time I hung up, I still wasn’t convinced.
As Luc slowed to a walk in the afternoon light and drew close to where I sat in the sand, though, I fixed a smile on my face and pretended to be the optimistic, strong wife he needed. Even if inside I was bubbling with nerves and fears and a thousand self doubts.
“Hey, you,” I said as he stopped, all sweaty and muscular and gorgeous in his gym shorts, tennis shoes, and loose tank, and leaned down to grab the water bottle he’d left by my side. “How was your run?”
“Tough. I hate the fucking sand.”
My grin widened.