for me to be out of his sight. He was near me constantly, which was a dramatic shift from the first days after we’d arrived here when he hadn’t wanted anything to do with me, and I wasn’t sure what to make of that. And every time I saw that brief moment of panic in his eyes, I was almost afraid to broach the topic for fear it would send him spiraling away from me once again.
“Where is he right now?” Felicity asked in my ear as I held the phone against my cheek.
“Jogging on the beach. He’s strung tight as a drum. I had to force him outside to expel some of that pent-up energy.”
“And he went without you? That’s a good sign.”
I huffed. “I’m sitting on the beach, wrapped in a blanket, talking to you. He keeps glancing back to make sure I’m still here. Luc has always been possessive, but this is different. This is like paranoia I’m going to up and disappear. It’s not like him.”
“Hm,” Felicity said. “No, it’s not. How’s the sex? You two are having sex again, aren’t you?”
My cheeks heated even out here in the cool October air. “Yes.”
“And?”
I bit my lip, unsure how to answer without giving away too much. Some things in our relationship were precious to me, and I knew Luc wouldn’t like me gossiping about this, especially.
When I didn’t answer, Felicity said, “I’m a doctor, Nat. Nothing you tell me is going to shock me. And a big part of the reason Marco and I left you two alone was so you could reconnect sexually. Regaining control of his sexuality is the first step in Luc’s healing.”
I believed that, which was why I’d willingly given myself to him every time he’d touched me over the last week.
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair and glanced down the beach. Luc was almost to the cliff nearly a mile away. He’d turn around in a minute, but I had time to talk without his hearing.
“His sex drive is high. Like, multiple-times-per-day and several-times-a-night high.”
She chuckled. “Well, you did marry a man overflowing with testosterone. I’d say the fact his sex drive is like that is good.”
“No, you don’t understand. His sex drive is high, but it’s different.”
“Explain.”
I wasn’t sure how, but I needed help reaching him, and so far nothing I was doing was working. “I don’t doubt that he wants me, which is good, but it’s almost like he’s using sex as a distraction. Anytime I try to talk to him about how he’s feeling, or anytime I mention his family, he gets handsy and wants sex. And the sex itself is different.”
“How so?”
“Well...” I shifted uncomfortably in the sand. “Luc’s personality is...” I struggled for the right word. Something that would ring true to the man I’d fallen in love with.
“Alpha? Domineering? My way or the highway?” Felicity suggested.
I laughed. “Sort of, though he knows not to pull the my-way-or-the-highway stuff with me.”
“That’s why you’re so good for him. You don’t put up with his bullshit.”
I didn’t. I knew that was part of the reason he’d fallen for me. Because I didn’t yes sir him and fall in line like the other women in his world. I challenged him. But he also pushed me—emotionally and sexually—and that was one of the big reasons I’d fallen for him.
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to go on. “In the bedroom, Luc has always been a little unpredictable. We’ve had plenty of sweet, romantic sex in our relationship, but there’s also a side of him that’s very...” I bit my lip and tried to figure out how to say this without sounding like a total freak. “...commanding,” I finally decided. “That’s nowhere to be found in him now, though. Every time we have sex it’s very vanilla. Missionary. Him making sure he can see I’m enjoying it. And I am, I mean, I’m not complaining at all because I love being with him, it’s just...”
“It’s just not the old Luc,” Felicity finished for me when I couldn’t find the words.
“Yeah,” I breathed, thankful she understood.
“And you like the forceful, assertive, kinky Luc.”
My face burned, and I dropped my forehead against my updrawn knees even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I’m a total freak, I know it.”
Felicity laughed. “Trust me. You’re not. There is nothing wrong with liking non-vanilla sex. You already know I’m not the vanilla variety myself. As for Luc... The emotional impact of rape on a man