it.”
“Martha.”
“Seriously. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
She hung up quickly. Almost immediately, her phone buzzed with Victoria calling her back. She sent it to voice mail and stared out the window. She’d be fine. This was all going to be fine. She’d figure out a way to handle this on her own. She always had before.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE STUDENT tour guide walked backward and used her hands a lot. CJ hated her. It’s not that her exuberance wasn’t appreciated; it’s just that she was really dragging this tour out and Ava already looked like she was going to leap out of her skin. She hadn’t said much since they’d gotten to California. She didn’t have to. Her terror was visible.
CJ had hoped that seeing Stanford would be disappointing. It would have made it easier when they inevitably rejected her. Unfortunately, it was stunning. Even more beautiful than the version of it she’d dreamed. The tour guide pointed out Hoover Tower, the famous (and famously phallic) building at the center of campus. It made CJ tear up. She couldn’t help it. The tower reminded her of the vase that Wyatt’s mom had given her. She loved that vase with all its imperfections. In a lot of ways, it reminded her of herself. A giant mess with a huge heart. She wished Wyatt was here now. She felt increasingly like a fraud as they walked across campus. He would say something to make her laugh and remind her that she didn’t need an acceptance letter to know she was valuable.
As soon as the tour was over and they’d adequately instagrammed it (Ava’s mom followed her on social media and they figured she’d be checking in), they asked the tour guide to point them toward the bus stop. The three of them squeezed into one row and didn’t say much as the bus drove them across town. CJ peered out the window, watching as the scenery evolved from mansions to small houses and apartment complexes.
The bus let them off just a few blocks from Ava’s mother’s apartment, and they walked the rest of the way there. The apartment building was one of the nicer ones on the block, and CJ looked over to see how Ava was reacting. She was blank. She’d been blank all day. She’d also barely eaten. “You ready?” CJ asked.
Ava nodded. The movement was so slight, it was almost imperceptible.
Jordan took off her backpack and pulled out a box of candy bars. The plan was for her to knock on the door and say that she was selling candy to raise money for her school. They’d already looked up the name of the local high school—Menlo-Atherton—and Jordan had memorized the mascot and even a couple of teachers’ names in case it came up.
“Okay,” Jordan said. “I’m going in.”
As Jordan walked across the street, CJ felt Ava’s hand reach for hers. They watched Jordan knock. Then they watched her knock again.
“Maybe she’s at work,” CJ said.
Ava said nothing.
The woman who lived next door to Ava’s mom came up to her door with bags of groceries, and CJ could see Jordan say something to her. She squinted to try to read their lips, but it was too far and CJ couldn’t read lips anyway. A minute later, Jordan took one of the grocery bags from her and disappeared inside the apartment.
“Um…” CJ said. “What do you think is happening?”
Ava said nothing.
A minute later, Jordan reappeared without her box of candy. She jogged back and CJ pounced on her. “What happened? Who was that? Where’s your candy?”
“She bought it all,” Jordan said. “She was so nice. We have to donate this money to the school or something. I felt horrible lying to her.”
Ava’s voice was tiny next to them. “Did she say anything about Isabel?”
“I didn’t want to sound creepy so I kept it really general. I asked if she knew if the woman next door would maybe buy some candy, but she said she’s not around.” Jordan paused. “She said that Isabel is in the hospital.”
“Did she say why?” Ava asked.
Jordan shook her head. “No. But I was like, Stanford Hospital, and then she was like, no, the junky one up the road.”
“The junkie one?” Ava repeated. “Like she’s a junkie?”
“Let’s not make any assumptions until we get there,” said CJ.
“I don’t know if I want to go there,” said Ava. But a second later, she spoke again. “I have to go there.”
CJ grabbed a Lyft and it dropped them off in