“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to go there. I was just thinking how relieved I’d feel if I didn’t get in.”
CJ resisted the urge to run him right off the track. She knew that Logan’s SAT scores were good. Every year the principal sent out a newsletter congratulating all the McKinley High School students with the highest SAT scores. His name was on the list. Hers, of course, was not. Because she wasn’t good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. She ran faster.
“Whoa, slow down,” Logan said. “It’s not a race.”
Everything was a race.
“I can’t help it. I hate you right now, Logan. My whole life, all I’ve ever done is what I’m supposed to do. I did all the right things. And now, because I did bad on one test, my dream is basically over.”
“It’s not over. You still have a chance.”
CJ didn’t want just a chance. She’d worked too hard, she’d sacrificed too much, for just a chance.
God, it felt good to run again. There were a million stars out that night and they made her feel small. In a good way. Like her problems weren’t so significant in the grander construct of the universe. She remembered when Martha used to be obsessed with the stars. She’d point them out and claim that she would fly to them one day.
“Hey, Logan?” CJ said.
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever had a transformational experience?”
“You’re talking about that Stanford essay topic?”
She nodded. It was one of the application essay prompts that they had to write about. Describe a transformational experience and how it has shaped you into the person you are today.
“I don’t even know what that means,” Logan said.
“I think it’s like stepping outside of yourself. Having an experience that totally alters the way you see your life.”
“Then definitely not. You?”
“No,” she said. But she wanted to. Not just because of the essay. Not just because it was her only shot at getting into a school that otherwise would have nothing to do with her. She wanted to have an experience so profound and so completely significant that it would shift everything into spectacular, amazing, electric color. “I’ve been volunteering at this after-school program. There’s this guy there.”
Logan looked over at her. “A guy, huh?”
CJ could feel her cheeks turn red. “Not like that.” At least she didn’t think it was like that. “He’s just blunt and honest and…” She didn’t know how to say it without sounding weird. “He makes me wish I could see the world differently. Actually, you might—”
“CJ. No offense. But I don’t want to hear about some dude.”
But Wyatt wasn’t just some dude. She was about to tell Logan that, when he turned to her and interrupted her train of thought.
“Now,” he said. “I have a question for you. It’s a serious one.”
CJ looked over. “Yeah?”
“Feel like racing?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. He took off at a sprint. CJ, never one to turn away from a challenge, kicked up the pace. She sprinted faster and faster. Harder and harder. She sprinted with everything she had left in the tank. As she caught up to him, they collided in the dark. It didn’t feel entirely awful and neither of them said sorry. They kept running, and their arms bumped into each other again. CJ wanted to win, she was desperate to win, but Logan was faster. He pulled ahead, and she watched his lead on her widen. It made her want to cry. Not good enough. Not good enough.
That’s when Logan’s phone rang.
“Shit,” he said, slowing to a walk. CJ caught up to him, then slowed down too. “That’ll be one of my parents, I’m sure. Wondering why the hell I’m not in my bed.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked completely confused when he saw the caller ID. “It’s Ava.”
CJ peered at the screen. “My Ava?”
Logan answered somewhat tentatively. “Hello?”
CJ leaned in so she was close enough to hear. Ava’s words were quiet, but she could still make them out.
“Does your offer still stand? Because I want to find my birth mother.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JORDAN STOPPED by Dunkin’ Donuts on her way to school. She’d woken up to two texts that morning, both addressed to her and Martha. The first was from CJ, saying that Ava had made a rash decision to find her birth mom and that CJ was worried. Then, less than an hour later, there was a text from Ava saying that CJ had gotten her SAT scores, they weren’t good, and