with the park.”
“Nothing is going on.” After Ava’s birth mother had entered her friends’ thoughts, the park had faded from them. She didn’t even know why her mom was asking. Maybe she wanted her steak knife back.
Her mom blew across the top of her tea. “I’m sorry you and your friends won’t get to leave your names behind.”
Martha shrugged. “It’s fine.” She thought again of the knife. It seemed so strange that her mom would have kept it for all these years. “So I guess it was a big deal. Carving your name in?”
Her mom smiled. “It was a special night.” She had a faraway look, like she was remembering something. “It felt like we had our whole lives ahead of us. In this really exciting way.”
Martha looked down at her tea. “Do you ever regret not going to college?”
“Of course not.”
“Mom. It’s okay. It’s not going to bother me if you say yes.” She knew she was the reason her mom didn’t go to Indiana State like she was planning. “I’m almost an adult. You can tell me.”
Her mom tapped her nails against the mug. They were perfectly polished. “I don’t regret it,” she said. “I really don’t.” She looked up and Martha could see that she was emotional. “Okay, maybe a little. It’s impossible not to wonder how things might’ve turned out differently.” Her mom looked down at her tea. She was staring at it so hard that Martha thought she might fall into her mug. “Martha. Roger is really doing his best with those forms. Money is complicated. Having it is actually more complicated than not having it.”
Martha seriously doubted that.
“He’s talking to his accountant about the best way to proceed. But like I said, it’s complicated. His income is high, but so much of it is tied up in the business. It’s not accessible.”
Martha wasn’t sure where this was going. She sipped her tea. It tasted like an apple orchard.
“When the twins were born, Roger set up college funds. It’s just what you do. I assumed your dad had done that for you. I never handled the money.”
As her mom continued talking, it was hard at first to process what she was saying. Then it came into focus. Clear and sharp and certain. The reason her mom hadn’t given her the forms yet wasn’t out of laziness. It was because her stepfather made too much money. Martha wasn’t going to be eligible for financial aid.
“So… what do I do?” Martha asked. She’d never asked her stepfather for money in her life; she hated the idea of it, but maybe her mom would offer. Maybe this would still be okay.
“I don’t know, Martha. I’m so sorry.” Martha felt her world close in on her. “I should have paid more attention. I just thought your dad—I just assumed he’d have his act together by now.”
Martha set her tea down. She wouldn’t let her mom blame her dad for this. She didn’t yell or scream or cry even though she wanted to do all of those things. She simply asked for a ride back to the bus stop. On the bus, she typed out a frantic message to her friends. Then she deleted it. She didn’t want Ava to have to think about this in the middle of her emotional weekend. She considered texting just CJ and Jordan, but they were busy being there for Ava. Martha didn’t feel bitter about it, exactly. She just wished that someone could be there for her too. Martha stared at her phone for a long time. Finally, she thought of someone she could call. Victoria picked up after the second ring.
“Hello,” she said.
“Hi,” Martha said.
“What’s wrong?”
Martha loved that Victoria could tell that something was wrong just by hearing a one-syllable word. “Everything. Any chance you’d want to hang out tonight?”
She could hear Victoria doing something in the background. She could also hear the moment she stopped. Victoria shifted all of her attention to Martha. “I can’t. I’m on the schedule tonight.”
“That’s right.” Victoria was covering Martha’s shift for her. “I forgot. And I have my friend’s art show. Don’t worry about it.”
“No, wait. I can talk now. What’s going on?”
Martha felt like she was going to cry. She didn’t want to cry on the bus. There was a guy sitting across the aisle from her and he was staring. She felt like shouting, Mind your own business! She turned her back to him. “Never mind,” she said to Victoria. “Don’t worry about