into the ring. The horse was outfitted with a saddle, but not like any CJ had ever seen.
“I read online that a horse’s hips mimic the motion of running for humans. A lot of people in wheelchairs say that riding horses gives them the sensation of being able to run. So that’s your gift. The gift of going running again.”
Wyatt didn’t say anything. He was staring at the horse with an intensity CJ wasn’t used to seeing from him.
“You ready?” she asked, somewhat cautiously.
Wyatt turned to her. Or more accurately, he turned away from the horse. “The gift of running again? Clarke. I’m never going running again.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No. I don’t.”
His brusqueness flustered her. “Maybe I should have told you first. But I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Outside, the handler waved to CJ and Wyatt. CJ waved back. Wyatt did not. CJ put her finger up in a “give us a sec” gesture.
“The testimonials were really incredible. And the lady I talked to was so nice. Maybe if you just talk to her for a minute. Get some more details. She said there are lots of trails up here, and once you get comfortable in the saddle, you can go wherever you want. I was thinking I could bring my running shoes and we could go running together.”
Wyatt scoffed. It was a terrible sound. “Don’t you get it? We’re not going to go running together, because I’m never running again!”
CJ looked down. She felt awful. “Wyatt. I’m sorry. Everything I’m saying is coming out wrong. Please. Just try it.”
“I don’t want this, CJ!” He’d never called her CJ before. “God,” he said. “How could you ever think I would ever want this?”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“Get me out of here,” he said. “Please. Get me out of here.”
CJ started the car and pulled away, leaving a spray of dust and a very confused horse handler in their wake.
Neither one of them said anything until they were back on the highway. CJ was relieved when he broke the silence. “Can I ask you a question?” He didn’t look at her when he asked.
She nodded. “Anything.”
“Was this for you or for me?”
She looked over at him. Her eyes showed that she didn’t understand the question.
“Clarke, I’m never going to be able to do everything that you can. And I guess I’m just wondering, will that ever be enough for you?”
She took her eyes off the road. “Of course,” she said. “Wyatt, I don’t care that—”
“Then why didn’t you kiss me?”
His question shocked her back into silence.
“The day with the water balloons. You wanted to. I wanted you to. But you didn’t. And the day with the puzzle and all those questions. Why did you ask?”
She looked at him and decided to answer honestly. “I did want to kiss you. I didn’t because… because I was scared.”
“Of what?”
CJ looked back at the road. “You know what. It does make everything complicated. We can pretend like it doesn’t, but it does.”
“Thank you for your honesty.” There was an edge to his voice.
CJ made a decision in that moment. She was tired of being scared. She put her turn signal on. She turned onto a small road, slowed to a stop, and put the car in park. She unbuckled her seat belt. Then she leaned over and kissed him. As their lips touched, she felt his hand tighten around her arm. His grip was so strong and sure that it took her a minute to notice that he wasn’t pulling her closer. He was pushing her away.
“I’m not here so you can prove something to yourself, Clarke.”
The butterflies in her stomach turned into caterpillars. Dense and writhing. “That’s not why—”
“You want to be able to tell everyone about the time you kissed a guy in a wheelchair. How you learned a valuable lesson about yourself. How it was a transformational experience.” He shook his head. “No way. I’m not that guy.”
They barely spoke on the car ride home. She dropped him off and helped him into his wheelchair. Then she stood there hoping that he’d speak first. He didn’t.
“Wyatt…”
“Don’t worry, Clarke. This won’t change things at the rec center. At least I don’t want it to. You’re too good with the kids.”
“Thanks,” she said. Because what else was there to say? “I’ll see you on Monday.”
She walked around to the driver’s side door, then paused when she remembered. “Wyatt. This is terrible timing, but I meant to tell you earlier that I won’t be