I could just crowd surf them back to the bed.”
“Only you would think that’s an adequate idea.”
“It’s beyond adequate. It’s amazing,” he jokes.
For a long while, Leland and I just hold on to each other. Too tired to do anything more, but honestly not needing to. Just feeling him, holding him, hugging him is enough. And sometimes, these are the best moments where we can just be with each other and cut out all the chaos of the world.
“Can you tell me everything?” Leland says. “I know you told me about going in there and about the kind of man Hutson is, but you left a lot of it out. Why?”
I think about it for a moment, not really sure why when I know that out of anyone, Leland wouldn’t judge me. He knows all about doing something for one reason, only to find out that he’d been doing it for all the wrong reasons. It’s such a fine line and so easy to cross.
“I guess I feel guilty,” I admit.
“I’m an old friend with guilt,” he says as he runs his fingers down my back gently while the water beats over us. “Trust me that I would never judge you, Jackson. I love the person you are no matter what you went through to get here. Unless you burned The Fence down or something. That would be inexcusable.”
I smile as I squeeze him to me, relieved for the moment of teasing. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry for not being more truthful before now when you’re doing so much for me. You’ve already done so much, it’s only right for me to tell you everything. So after the vehicle I was in hit what was probably a handmade bomb or some shit, the driver flung the wheel hard and ended up crashing it. I was the only one left alive. I wandered into the nearest town, hoping to find someone to help me. It’s where I ran into Sami. She took me to Hutson and they pulled me into their group. They told me they alerted the others, and I was now in their care until they moved on. I thought nothing of it. I thought they were just some soldiers and I would be safe.” I take a deep breath and rub my face.
“When’d you start to suspect something was wrong?” Leland asks.
“Not until we started to infiltrate the place. I was told there was illegal activity and we needed to secure the place. It wasn’t like you questioned everything a superior said to you. You just… trusted them. I knew Hutson was a dick, but I never thought he’d do something illegal, so I went along with it. They said the operation was bigger than they imagined it to be, so they were glad they had me around to help. I felt as if I was doing something. When we got there, it was this… I guess you’d call it a compound. I don’t know. There was a main building that I think might have been converted into some type of house or was a house once upon a time. Hutson had me stick with Sami and Aidan. He’d enlisted a few locals to help him as well as some other soldiers that Aidan didn’t mention because they didn’t make it. As we moved in, it was instantly clear we were outnumbered. They weren’t trying to subdue the enemy; we were left to fight for our lives. Once they got wind we were there, it was a brutal bloodbath.” I take a deep breath as flashes from that night invade me.
“You don’t have to tell me all of it tonight if you don’t want to,” Leland says, voice soft as he holds me to him.
I find myself wondering if it would’ve bothered Leland that night… all the death. But then I realize that’s not fair of me. Leland was conditioned by Lucas to think all of this was okay. That killing was just a way of life.
“Are you alright?” Leland asks.
And yet, I don’t see him as a bad person. I don’t see him like that at all. “Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking. But yeah, so we fought our way in, and somehow, we managed to do it. I think because we had the element of surprise. It definitely wasn’t because they were outnumbered. When we secured the area around the main building, Hutson went inside with only a few of the others, leaving me behind with Anna, Sami,