reason. Maybe he’s just thrilled about how safe he’s gonna be. I mean, between me and my shotgun/rifle/handgun combo and the ten guard dogs that look like they were created to feast on flesh, he has nothing to worry about.
“Okay. Here’s the packet to go over the stuff we’ve already talked about. I’ll introduce you to them first, though,” she says.
The dogs all sit majestically, ears perked up, eyes on her, the definition of badass motherfuckers. It’s clear they’ll fit right in.
“We have Crusher, Sniper, Sarge, Fang, Tank, Hera, Huntress, Justice, Sheba, and Ripper.” I stare at the nearly identical black and rust Dobermans who all look… nearly identical.
“How crucial is it to know their names?” I ask.
“Their names are on their collars, and it’s very essential. You only want to send one or two out to maim while the others stay back and guard,” she says.
“No,” Jackson says. “I’m in a fever dream. I must have an infection and it’s making me see tenuble. It’s like double but it’s ten… Leland, a word.”
“Of course, hold on a minute,” I say as I turn to the nice lady. “Thank you so much. Do you need help unloading their food?”
She glances at my hand and waves me off. “I’ve got someone in the truck already on it.”
Jackson looks panicked, and at first I assume it’s because she’s only leaving ten dogs instead of twenty but then he says, “Thank you for your time but we don’t need ten guard dogs. Please, I’m begging you, take them—and she’s leaving.”
“I told her you’d fight it,” I say as I look at the menacing-as-fuck dogs staring right at us. The only one I can slightly tell apart is a taller one with a chip out of his ear. I sit down on the couch next to Jackson and hug his strangely stiffened body. “I know what you want to say, and you’re welcome.”
“I don’t want this!” he says. “Why did you bring ten dogs? Why won’t they stop staring at me? Why do I feel like they might eat me?”
“They’re going to keep you safe, baby. It’s all out of love.”
He’s clearly so taken aback by my amount of love that he’s at a loss for words. His mouth moves, but weirdly, no sound emerges.
“You love it, don’t you?”
He quickly gets up but the dogs are in an arch around him and he can’t get past them. “How do you get them to move? We need to get her to take them back! Scooch. Move. Go lie down.”
They just stare at him.
“Oh no… there goes her truck. Too bad!” I say with a beaming smile as Jackson stares at me. It’s such a hard stare to decipher. I’m assuming he’s just so in love with my idea that he’s at a loss for words. “How turned on are you at this moment because of my level of genius?”
Jackson has a pillow over his head. “This is not real. This is not happening. This is chaos. My life is chaos. The doctor says ‘Go home and rest’ and Leland translates that to ‘Let’s get a thousand pounds’ worth of dogs.’”
“I don’t know, that one looks pretty hefty,” I say as I point to the one in the middle with the funky ear. “I’d try to pick him up but I’m positive he might eat me.”
Jackson is now grabbing the packet and quickly flipping through it. “There has to be a number to call her back. Is this a prank? This has to be a prank. Ten dogs, Leland? Ten and you asked for twenty?”
I’m starting to wonder if he’s not as turned on as I’d like him to be. “I now kind of see why twenty would have been a bit overkill. I mean… there’s hardly room for all of them as it is. Now, how do we get them to stop staring at us like they’re going to eat us?”
Jackson’s extremely dramatic as he sinks onto the couch and lifelessly stares at the dogs. I grab the booklet from his motionless fingers and find out where it says how to release them from a sit.
“Okay. Free dog!” I say and they burst into action. They rush off, sniffing the place over, climbing on the furniture, checking out every nook and cranny of the house. It is pure, unmanageable chaos.
“See? This is fine,” I say as I sit down on the couch next to Jackson. The one with the funky ear comes right up and