so he’s not aware that his projection from the bed was a hundred percent my fault.
“What the fuck?” he groans.
I make a show of opening my eyes and looking over at him as he gives the dog a glare. “What happened, babe? Why are you on the floor?”
“Ah, just felt like it, you know?” he says as he sinks back down to the ground where the remaining Dobermans lie. I get out of bed and walk around to his side where Leland is lying butt naked on the floor, arms and legs sprawled.
Until one of the Dobermans jumps off the bed onto his gut. “Oh my god!” he cries.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He catches my eyes and maybe even notices the wicked grin I have on my face that I can’t seem to wipe off. “Nothing. Leroy here was just helping me with my morning stretches.”
“None of them are named Leroy.”
“Huh. I’ve been calling that one Leroy. Babe, honey, are you healed yet so we can go kick ass?”
“No and neither are you.”
“Huh.”
I gently step on his gut and give him a shake with my foot as he laughs. “Why are you so stubborn?”
“About?” he asks like he has no idea what I could possibly be referring to.
I just leave him to suffer since the beasts are now waking. I get dressed and brush my teeth as I watch Leland contend with the beasts. When I walk into the kitchen, I suddenly stop moving, positive something’s wrong.
I stare out the window, then realize there must be a weird film on it and go to a different window.
Strange. This one has a weird film as well. Maybe it’s my eyes and not the window.
Weird…
I open the front door and stare out of it before realizing that I’m still asleep and this is a nightmare. Quickly, I head back toward the bedroom but Leland intercepts me before I can reach the bed.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“Back to sleep. There’s something wrong with my eyes and I forgot to wake up.”
Leland catches me and holds on tight. “Oh no, baby. What happened? Is there something your wonderful mate can do for you?” Leland asks as he just beams at me. He knows what he’s done and he’s so proud of it.
He loops his arms over my neck while giving me the sweetest smile that is almost enough to make me give in. He even pulls me in closer and kisses me softly.
I decide I need to just face him and get it over with. “Why… why is there a fence in the yard?”
“It’s not a fence. It’s The Fence.” He seems to think another kiss will help make me understand.
“That answers nothing. Why?”
“They were going to tear it down, so Cassel and Jeremy helped me pluck it out and replant it.”
“Cassel and… Jeremy? Did you drug him?”
He looks thoughtful as he thinks about it. “Hmm. I’m not actually sure.”
I sigh and decide that maybe if I pretend it didn’t happen it’ll go away. “Go get ready, I want to head into work. And we’re not taking the herd of dogs.”
“What about nine of them?”
“No. None.”
“Fine, fine.” Leland hesitates. “That’s it?”
“Yep,” I say with a big smile as I grab a newspaper my mom left. Then I go get the matches and head outside to where “The Fence” lines the driveway, like Leland wants it to be the first thing I see every time I get home.
“Aw, honey, are you going to read the newspaper by The Fence? How cute,” he says as I start stuffing pieces of newspaper under it before lighting them on fire. “Aw! You’re trying to keep The Fence warm! How adorable!”
The fire eats up the paper but it’s as if the fence has something on it to protect it and the flame instantly goes out the moment the newspaper is gone. I hold a lit match against it. “Burn, fucker, burn,” I growl.
“You two are so cute together. I made sure to coat it in a nonflammable paint to keep it safe. Don’t have too much fun while I get ready and please don’t try to climb it when I’m not around.”
I’m glaring at The Fence when Leland returns, ready to go. He gives me a lovesick sigh as he bats his eyes at us.
“It just warms my heart seeing you try so hard,” Leland says.
“Sugar plum?” I say, which makes Leland hesitate.
“Yes, flour coconut?”
Now I’m just confused but I decide to roll with it. “Will you buy me