asks as her eyes narrow. “Are you going to shoot his dick off?”
“Ooohhh, Ava. That made me like you a little bit. Did you hear your mom, Jackson?”
“I did.”
Ava is glaring at me as she folds her arms over her chest. “Don’t make such a fuss about it. If any man is choosing to hurt someone, they deserve to be castrated.”
“How would you do it? Knife? Gun? Emasculator? Rocket launcher?” I ask.
She ignores me which seems to be her favorite pastime when I’m in the vicinity.
“Oh no, Jackson. I think I’ve turned into a ghost, because your mom can’t see me!”
“She’s just choosing to ignore you,” Jackson explains.
“Ah, okay. Makes sense. Ask her how many balls she’s cut off. Ask if she has a necklace made of testicles she’s torn from the bodies of men.”
Jackson cups a hand over my mouth. “Anyway! That’s what we’re up to. Did you need something?” he asks, as though Ava thinks she needs something in order to just bust into our home uninvited.
“I’ll go,” Ella says.
For a moment we’re confused over what she’s talking about before I realize she’s volunteering to be our stand-in. She must not think Jackson’s pretty enough to pull it off.
“Absolutely not,” Jackson says.
“Jackson’s jealous because you look prettier in a dress,” I explain.
Jackson shakes his head. “It’s not safe. You’re not going.”
Ella folds her arms over her chest as she stares at him. “But you let Leland and you love him.”
“Leland is insane and has spent his entire life doing this stuff. When he’s involved, I’m generally the one unsafe,” Jackson explains, which I don’t find entirely fair or true.
I turn to him and notice his wig is sliding a bit, so I pull it off. “You’re not unsafe. If you ever feel unsafe then we need to stop. I promise I’ll take the best care of you.”
He reaches out and gives my arm a squeeze. “I know. I’m just joking. I think we’re perfectly fine, but I don’t want Ella in unnecessary danger.”
“Then I’ll do it,” Ava says.
“See? Ava likes risk, let’s have her do it. That way if there are casualties, it probably won’t be on our side. It’ll be the pedo’s nuts.”
“No and no and no. Leland and I are fine handling this. Thank you for the concern. I’m not putting anyone else in danger.”
“Then you’re not going,” Ava decides.
I’m not too excited to see how this will pan out, so while I leave Jackson to talk it over with his mom, I go get dressed in dark clothes and pick out three of my favorite guns. I assumed he’d have it handled by the time I returned—picking favorites always takes me a while—but they’re still at it and Jackson is getting frustrated. It’s back to “Leland is dragging you into dangerous situations blah blah, I’m evil because I’m the reincarnation of Lucifer blah blah. All should bow before me.” Just normal Ava stuff.
“Jackson, why don’t you stay here, and I’ll handle it?” I suggest.
“Excellent idea,” Ava says as she tries to body block her son.
The look of frustration on Jackson’s face tells me he’s close to his tipping point. “Mom, that’s enough. I’m going with Leland as soon as I can figure out how to get this stupid dress off!” And since he doesn’t give me time to help him, he grabs his clothes and storms out to the garage to get into the car.
“Bye, Ella! Bye, Lucifer!” I say as I hurry after Jackson, but Ava, the little ninja she is, slides in front of our retreat.
“I’m sorry. Don’t you dare get mad at me for being concerned that you’ll get hurt. I know I’m not supposed to butt into your business and work but you’re still my son and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Jackson sighs and I want to tell him that the exasperated look works really well when he’s wearing a dress. “I get it… I really do. But Leland and I can help people.”
She nods. “Okay. I’m sorry. Just… please don’t get hurt. Call me when you get home and if you don’t call, I’m not going to be happy.” She pulls out a finger that she jabs in Jackson’s direction.
“She’s so much better at threats than you,” I tell Jackson.
He just shakes his head before turning to Lucifer—I mean, his mom. “We’ll be careful. I promise.”
And then Jackson heads out to the car while glamming it up with his sparkly dress. We get into his sports car that