a flame thrower?”
“Why buy you one when I already have one?”
“Can I use it?”
“You know I love giving you everything you want, but for some reason, I kind of feel like you plan on burning The Fence down.”
“I would never!”
“Liar,” he says as he yanks my sweatpants down and hurries off for the car while the wind tickles my nuts.
I sigh and pull them up as I head over to the car where Leland waits behind the wheel of my precious with Sarge in the back seat, despite my insistence on not bringing any of the dogs. He seems to be Leland’s favorite even though he just stares at us. I can’t tell if he likes us or is contemplating how to get away with murder and blame it on the others.
“I really need to know your secrets,” I say.
Leland nods, clear understanding on his face. “I was once a secret super-awesome hitman who then fell in love with the most gorgeous man alive, not only gorgeous on the outside but his inside was sickly gorgeous as well. I also have a fetish for seeing your smile.”
“None of that had anything to do with what I wanted to talk about, but it was oddly sweet, and I love you too,” I say.
He beams as he drives. When we reach the shop, instead of pulling into a parking spot in the back, he drives up onto the sidewalk until the car is right up against the door of the building and rolls the window down. “I’d feel better if you didn’t stand in the street at all and just climbed through the window into the building.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine,” he grumbles as a woman who’d been trying to walk on the sidewalk flips Leland off. He blares the horn at her, making her jump which satisfies him greatly.
“We’re with the police!” he shouts at her, which we most definitely aren’t, but she gets an alarmed look on her face and rushes off.
“You know that’s illegal, right?” I ask.
“You act like ninety percent of what I do is legal. I live my life on the edge, my dear sweet, sweet man,” he says as he pulls out his gun and kisses it. The woman had taken this moment to look back at us and appears horrified as she dodges into a store.
Leland sighs longingly. “I can’t wait until my hand doesn’t feel like shit and I can hold, fondle, and titillate two guns.”
“Yay,” I say sarcastically as he finally drives around back and parks the car. He gets out first and checks the area and then covers me with his body as he rushes me through the back door like we’re in some special ops mission. But I know it makes him feel better to do it, so I let it slide as he shoves me inside and closes and locks the door.
Mason’s off work today, so we have the place to ourselves as Leland heads off to collect the mail. I drop my stuff at my desk and sit down to see what has accumulated.
Too much junk to wade through, is what. Sarge scouts the area, sniffing every corner and nook and cranny before heading upstairs. Of course I just sit down before remembering that I need a file upstairs. I walk up the stairs and see Sarge sitting in the corner staring at a closet. He paws the door as Leland comes sliding out of nowhere and slips in front of me.
“What are you doing all alone in this place by yourself, you lonely boy?” he asks.
I narrow my eyes and glance back at Sarge who is adamant there’s something in that closet. He scratches it again as Leland grabs the dog and tries to pick him up with one arm. Finding he can’t, he just scoots in front of him and leans against the closet door in what I’m guessing is supposed to be a sexy pose. He runs his fingers through his hair.
“Have I ever told you a funny joke? I mean… boy, do I have a funny joke for you,” Leland says.
How the hell did this man make a living off deceiving people? Is it just me that he fails around? I like to think so.
“What’s in the closet?” I ask.
“Not me.”
“Good lord.”
He pulls his shirt up and winks at me, as if the view of his blinding white chest is enough to make me forget what he’s trying to hide. He even mimes licking his nipple,