something you like?” he teased.
I pinned my lips closed, afraid if I opened them, my tongue would hang out. I still wasn’t comfortable acting on these feelings. I felt too much guilt. Violet might have been cheating on Kai, but that didn’t make it right for me to pursue him.
“So,” I began awkwardly, “what else is on the agenda for today?”
Kai rolled over, propping his head up with his hand. I matched him, rolling over to meet his heavy stare. His eyes dipped to my cleavage, to my tight stomach, to where I was clenching my thighs. “I was thinking about spending the day with you,” he replied.
My cheeks flushed. “I should probably go home. My parents are probably wondering where I am…” Kai scooted closer and wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me close. I started breathing heavily, the salty air filling my lungs. “I thought you wanted distance, hmm? This feels wrong,” I whispered.
“Does it?” Kai asked. I was about to answer him when he shoved me to the ground and settled on top of me, pinning me with his muscular thighs. My breath hitched as he grabbed my wrists and pulled them above my head. While my life had been spinning out of control, it was like a sigh of relief to let go in Kai’s arms. It felt good to be grounded by his hard muscles. I liked the feeling of tension leaving my body. I was completely at his mercy. “Does this feel wrong?”
Kai leaned over me, brushing his lips along my collarbone. “We shouldn’t…”
“Shouldn’t what?” Kai asked.
“You shouldn’t kiss me,” I rasped. The gritty sand rubbed against my skin in tandem to his soft lips. I arched my back and bucked beneath him, feeling desperate for more while trying to push him away. I felt confused as fuck. I didn’t know how we could do this. But, damn, he felt so good. “Kai,” I moaned, pleading with him.
Kai leaned over me and kissed my jaw before moving to the sensitive skin beneath my ear. I could feel him growing harder. Fuck.
Violet. I couldn’t do this to Violet.
“Kai, please stop,” I whispered, pushing the lust out of my system. “You dated Violet.”
My words were like dumping a bucket of ice on the moment. Kai stopped roaming my body with his lips but didn’t get off of me. “And Violet got pregnant by another dude. And lied to both of us. And she’s dead.”
The blunt nature of his words made me pause. I wasn’t expecting to be slapped in the face with his reality. “Is this some fucked up way of getting back at her? She cheated on you, so you want to hook up with her best friend?” I asked before jerking out of his hold and shoving his chest. He let me push him off of me, and I stood up.
“Of course not,” Kai gritted. “What kind of person do you think I am?”
I shook my head and tried not to cry. I was still too raw. I wanted to give in, to touch and explore. Kai was devious and delicious. Caring. Compassionate. I never expected to find a safe place to land in Violet’s volatile boyfriend. We were friendly before, but this entire experience bonded us in a way I was irrevocably thankful for. But it didn’t change the guilt I felt. It didn’t change the fact that Violet’s murderer was still out there. It didn’t change the fact that my loyalty was to her.
“It’s just too soon,” I whispered. “And I feel terrible for wanting you, Kai.”
“But it’s okay to want Chase?” Kai shot back. I scowled at him.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Kai stood up and brushed dried sand off of his torso. “I’m just saying, I guess you want the fairy tale ending, right? It’s more appropriate to end up with her brother. You both can get married. Have a little girl and name her after Violet. Live happily ever after in that big, empty mansion.”
I threw my hands up. “Whoa. I don’t think you know what you’re talking about,” I yelled. Our voices were angry, growing louder with every punishing word. “Chase and I are…” I didn’t know how to finish that statement. He’d kissed me. But it wasn’t right. None of this was right. Usually, I would have talked through this with Violet. I needed some sort of direction.
“Chase is just another version of Violet. Destructive codependency wrapped up in a pretty package.”
I couldn’t believe