to talk about. Let’s go back outside. Ladies first.”
I had the distinct feeling that Lex’s eyes were glued to my ass the entire way back to the barbecue.
My mother once told me that people talked about what they feared. People who were afraid of being poor usually talked about their designer clothes and expensive tastes. People who were afraid of being dumb made sure to be the person in the room with all the answers. I was afraid of forgetting Violet, so I compulsively brought her up every chance I got.
When I went to the beach, I mentioned her favorite spots for sunbathing. When we went to the local diner, I stared at the menu and talked about her love for strawberry shakes. When a song came on the radio that she liked, I imagined her dancing to the beat, her hips swaying as she laughed.
Over the last few hours, I realized that Kai never really spoke. Getting him to talk was like pulling a deeply buried splinter from calloused skin. He didn’t open his mouth and spew words about where his family came from or what his brother was up to. He drove in complete silence, locking his thoughts behind the barrier of his teeth. I wanted to know more, especially after my confrontation with Lex, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he feared them or not. Was his silence acceptance or something more?
I was surprised when we pulled up to his home. “Aren’t you going to take me home?” I asked. The moon was high in the sky, and the crashing waves could be heard in the distance. The smell of salt in the air was refreshing and comforting. I looked at his refurbished bus with new eyes. It was clean and organized. Fresh. Kai took care of his home, and after seeing the conditions he grew up in, I understood the pride he felt in his place.
“Your mom is working tonight, and when we drove by the surf shop, your dad’s car was still parked there,” he stated as if that answered my question.
“And your point is?”
Kai clenched his jaw. “I don’t want you to be home alone right now. I promise, after tonight, you can go back to living your life. For now, I just want to make sure you’re safe, okay?”
A sinking feeling of dread overwhelmed me. Didn’t Kai know? I could never go back to normal. Did Kai think Lex would come to my house? I nodded and quickly followed him inside. The dark bus was warm from being off all day, and the humidity caused beads of sweat to form along my hairline. Kai flipped on the generator, and a loud buzzing filled my ears. The lights flickered on, and the air conditioner started blowing through the window unit. I moved to sit in front of it, letting the icy air blow over my damp, heated skin.
As I stood there, it felt like I was staring up at a tidal wave of my emotions. I was powerless to keep it at bay. It was building, building, building. Fear. Hate. Grief. Despair. And then it crashed.
“Are you okay?” Kai asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t know how to answer that question. I knew he was just concerned, but I struggled to keep my emotions in check. I wrestled with whether or not I wanted to go down the rabbit hole tonight, but ultimately decided that I had to know.
“Did your brother kill Violet, Kai?” I asked before looking down at the ground. I didn’t want to see him when he answered. I didn’t want to know what this meant. Lex warned me that searching for answers would have consequences, but I had to know. I just had to.
I heard Kai pad across the wooden floor and felt the warmth of his presence at my back. I braced my palms on the countertop in front of me, squeezing the hard edges while waiting for his answer.
“I-I don’t know,” Kai murmured.
Hearing his answer broke whatever dam was left holding back my grief and rage. I reacted on pure instinct. Spinning around, I punched Kai in the chest. I hit him again. I slapped him. I balled my fist and slammed hit after hit as hot tears streamed down my face. I cried. I broke. I died a little while marking his skin with fierce anger. Blaring