say anything.
“You have no idea how fucking hard this is.” I can’t keep the anger from my voice and I know it’s not Mateo’s fault, and I know I’m being unprofessional, but I don’t really care at the moment. I’m finding it hard to care about anything now.
“Thalia,” he says and then pauses. “There’s nothing I can do for you. You both knew what you were getting into. In the end, I think you made the right decision.”
“How can you say that?” I cry out. “I thought you were a romantic!”
He laughs and gives me a sad smile. “I am a romantic and a realist. And selfishly, I need you here. You’re great for the team and had you and Alejo continued, you would have been caught. Believe me. I explained to Dr. Costa and Jose about the photo, and I supposed they believed my story a little less than I thought they would. You’re on thin ice. They’re watching you and Alejo, but mainly you, because you are expendable and Alejo isn’t. Alejo will be forgiven for pretty much everything he does and you, you won’t be.”
I nod. “Well, I think I made the wrong choice.”
“What?” he asks, brow furrowed.
“I said…I think I made the wrong choice. I chose wrong. I should have chosen Alejo. I should have quit. And that’s why I’m here.”
“No, Thalia,” Mateo says, shaking his head and staring up at me imploringly. “Don’t do this.”
“I can’t work here,” I say softly. “I can’t do it. My heart is too bruised, I’m…I’m not strong enough. Mateo, I love him. I love him and I can’t work alongside him and not be with him. It’s too fucking hard and I can’t do it anymore. It’s making me hate my job, it’s making me hate everything.”
Mateo covers his face with his hands, mumbling. “And this is why workplace relationships don’t work.” He looks up at me, weary. “I never imagined it would have happened here. When I hired you, I didn’t even think.”
“If it makes you feel any better, it never crossed my mind either. But you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
He looks shell-shocked. He stares into space. “No, you certainly can’t,” he says absently. “Oh, how I really wish you weren’t doing this, Thalia.”
“Well, what would you have done? If you have to choose between Vera or your career?”
He glances at me sharply. “I would pick my wife. Every time.”
“Yes, now. What if this had happened when you first fell in love. Then what?”
“It would make no difference. I love her more than anything. She’s my Estrella. My star. I would give up all of this,” he gestures to the room with a sweeping gesture, “over and over again just to be with her. It doesn’t matter at what point of our lives.”
It makes me wonder. Was there a reason that I chose my career over Alejo? I love him more than anything, he should have come first and the more I think about it, the more complicated it gets. All I know is that I made the wrong choice. The loss of him hurts more than the loss of all this. It hurts so much more than anything I could have imagined.
“But listen,” he goes on, “I am a different person than you. We have lived different lives and gone through different things. You’re on your own path Thalia, and I certainly can’t tell you if you’re doing it wrong or right. Only you can do that. Only you know what you can live with.”
“And if I made the wrong choice?”
He nods. “Only you know that. I have no say.”
“Then…” I take in a deep breath. “I’m quitting. I quit.”
Mateo holds my gaze, trying to measure how serious I am but I don’t waver. “Please tell me you’ve thought long and hard about this…”
“I haven’t,” I admit. “Which is very unlike me. But I know what feels right and being here, without him, it feels wrong.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
I shake my head. “He hates me. I would hate me too, to think that I came second.”
Mateo nods but he doesn’t look happy at all. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’m quitting today and I’m not coming back.”
“I see.” He exhales. “You’re putting me in a tough position, trying to find a replacement at the last minute.”
“You put me in a tough position.”
“You know I’m not making you do this.”
“I know.”
Mateo shakes his head in disbelief and