laughing. “Fuck you again.”
“Fuck you thrice.” He bites down on the toothpick. “If you try to beat yourself up again, I’ll just shove you harder.”
I stay on the floor, resting my forearms on my knees. “What would I do without you, man?”
“You wouldn’t be on the ground, for one.”
I let out another laugh. And I exhale, massaging my knuckles. What are you going to do, Nine? I’m a leader, and I have zero answers on where I need to go. Or what I even feel…
It’s all confusion.
Quietly, I say, “So she doesn’t recognize come-ons.”
“At least she’s not that naïve,” Banks says. Motioning to my chest, he adds, “She’d bite a dick off if the wrong guy whipped it out.” His smile rises at that image he constructed. Reminding me that he likes everything about her.
Yeah. I nod tensely. “You’re the right guy, Banks.” My muscles feel taut. “She likes you—she told me.”
He doesn’t seem that surprised. Just concerned. For me.
“And what’d you say?” he wonders.
Here it goes.
Me on the floor, him on the bed, I meet his gaze head-on. “I didn’t say anything really. Not even after she told me she thinks you don’t like her as more than a friend.”
Banks stares at me, expressionless.
So I add, “I let her believe you don’t like her.”
He blinks. “And why do you think that is, Akara?” I hear the tension in his voice.
“Because I’m an asshole.”
Banks rakes a hand irritably through his hair. “Because you love her too.”
My brows jump. “Too? You love Sul—?”
“Like,” he corrects fast, his eyes dragging across the carpet. “I just like her. You know that.” He looks back up at me.
“Yeah,” I say casually.
“I like her,” Banks says, “and you love her.”
I shake my head without thinking. “It’s not romantic love…” It hasn’t been. I’ve been her bodyguard since she was sixteen.
I love Sulli—I will always love Sullivan Meadows—but I’ve never crossed that line. I would never. Could never. Maybe now, it could be different…
Could it?
I glance over at the bathroom door. Steam billows out of the crack. She’s older.
A lot older.
If I start really seeing her like the woman she is, then maybe…
“Alright.” Banks rises off the mattress. “I don’t want to push you one way or the other. From here on out, I’m shutting up about it.”
I let out a short laugh. “Really?” My smile dies. I’ve tried to get Banks to shut up about it for so long. My stomach cramps suddenly, not liking this road.
“Really,” he says seriously. “You figure it out.”
I push my hair back, but strands fall forward over my forehead. But I need your help. I struggle with those words. All this time, I just thought Banks was annoying me on purpose about my relationship with Sulli. Being a pest like the rest of SFO. It’s the one sore spot they know they can touch with a wisecrack and a laugh.
Now I think he’s been helping me. Because he knows me too well, and I can’t sort through my friendship with Sulli without him.
I nod to my friend, thankful for him, for how much he’s already done for me.
Banks reaches a hand out.
I grab hold, standing up, and our eyes just impulsively go to the bathroom. Shadows play through the ajar door, and I can almost see the outline of her body against the shower curtain. A glimpse, then gone.
My heart rate goes haywire.
“I’m going to shut the door for her,” I tell him.
He nods, unfurling the sleeping mats.
And I head to the bathroom. Every footstep is a pound in my pulse.
8
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
“Hey, Sulli,” Akara calls from outside the motel bathroom. His footsteps stop near the door.
My joints stiffen, a disposable razor frozen in my hand. The grimy shower curtain conceals me from him. Steam cocooning me, I’ve been avoiding the sheets of scalding water that pound the tub at my feet. For five minutes, I tried adjusting the temperature with no success.
It’s still boil-my-fucking-skin-off hot.
Now everything suddenly feels catastrophically hotter. “Yeah?” I call back.
“I’m just closing this door.”
My stomach tanks.
What were you expecting, Sullivan?
Something hotter, fucking clearly.
“K,” I say, and I peek my head out of the shower curtain. But I’m too late to catch his expression. He shuts the door. Enclosing me in privacy that I’m surprised to be bummed about.
I like my privacy.
But lately, it’s been kind of lonely.
I shake the thoughts away.
Back to shaving. I forgot to pack a new razor, and the one I left in my toiletry kit is dull and sucks. My body