up and cups my cheek. “Don’t get into any more trouble. Not without your brother.”
Trouble.
I laugh. “I thought we were the good sons.”
“Still are. Always will be.” She kisses her fingers to reach up to place them on my cheek.
The women who raised me are my world.
I dance with my mom, with my grandma, and I look around for Sulli—but I can’t see her. Not even as my mom’s wife, Nicola, sneaks up behind her. They laugh and kiss, and my grandma asks me, “When’s your turn to find that special someone, Banks?”
“Yeah,” Nicola chimes in, “any lucky girls recently?”
Sulli.
Can’t say that. Can’t even say if it’ll last past tomorrow.
Before I find an answer, my mom adds with a smile, “Or any lucky guys.”
She’s trying to be inclusive, just in case. I try to crack another smile, but it flickers fast. “You three are trouble when you’re all together. You know that?”
They grin, and my grandma passes around her brandy as they dance.
Right when I turn my head, I finally spot Sulli.
She just now detaches from the chatty girl squad, and she’s heading to her parents.
50
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
Under the twinkling fairy lights, my mom and dad linger next to a chocolate fountain. Goldilocks sits cutely at my mom’s feet with a bow around her collar, tail wagging. With my mom and dad’s parental eyes on me, I’m pretty fucking positive they’ve been staring at me since I arrived.
They wanted to give me a moment with Jane, and my appreciation is second-chair to my urgency to see them. To talk to them. Especially since all the younger girls trapped me into rehashing the story in grave detail.
I’m not a good fucking storyteller.
Kinney even said, “Blah,” at the end.
That was my review.
Blah.
My trip to Yellowstone was not blah. It was…it is…
I inhale deeply.
Maybe there are no words. Maybe it’s just a feeling. Maybe it’s always just been an inexplicable feeling.
As soon as I near, my mom wraps her arms around me. I know everyone says Aunt Lily gives the best hugs, but in my biased opinion, nothing beats hugs from my mom. Secure and warm and full of unyielding love.
“My peanut butter cupcake.” She kisses the top of my head, a couple inches taller than me in her heels. “I’m so, so happy you’re home. And you’re safe—”
She cuts herself off to pull back and check my face. Dirt and scrapes exist, but the scratch from the cougar attack is hidden underneath my shirt. Her green eyes are the same bright color as mine and they carry years of wisdom, risks, and explorations.
“I’m sorry, I smell,” I say.
“You smell like adventure.” She wags her brows.
I laugh and rub my running nose with my sleeve. “So I smell like royal shit.”
“You smell like the woods,” my dad says, and he leans in for a hug. His hugs are pretty fucking close to bear-hugs. Rough, protective, and full of strength. I want to siphon off that last bit of strength from him. To get through this.
When we break apart, it’s hard not to look around at the guests that keep gawking at me. There are so many more people here than just my family. So many more people here than the mountains I left.
“Hey, Sul,” my dad says. “You don’t have to fucking stay here. If you want to leave—”
“I can stay.” For Jane, I should stay.
He nods slowly, his intense eyes zoning in on me for a second. His strong worry is like the waves of an ocean, crashing against me in rough swells. “You’ve had a long fucking day. Are you alright?”
Pressure compacts on my chest. Usually now would be the moment I’d gush to them about how it’s my fault Banks missed the wedding. How I’m in a Bachelorette scenario and the final rose is coming up. And I’m going to hurt Akara or Banks. How I free-soloed one measly rock face the whole trip and it feels like it wasn’t enough.
I want to tell them I survived a cougar attack with two people I’m falling in love with.
But I can’t say any of it. It feels too raw. Like if I touch it, the words will explode in my heart and shatter me apart.
In the end, I just nod to my dad and say, “I’m alright.” I shrug. “I’m running off Lightning Bolt! energy drinks and adrenaline, so just waiting for the crash.”
My parents share a look I can’t decipher. Have I been gone so long that I can’t even read