platoon are you with?”
When Matt told him, Geo winced. “Shit. I heard through the grapevine that a couple of your guys ran afoul of an RPG over in Afghanistan.”
Matt pointed to himself. “One of the guys. The other was my—” his throat worked “—my best friend.”
“Oh, man.”
“I was driving,” Matt went on raggedly, “and the RPG exploded over the gun turret. Shane was bleeding out, but I didn’t stop...”
The first rule of combat medicine: win the fight. Injuries didn’t matter if everyone was dead. Once fire superiority was established, then aid could be rendered.
“Your buddy’s okay?”
“He’ll be in Germany for another week or so, but yeah, he’s gonna be okay.”
And in the meantime, you needed to keep busy. Understandable.
“How about you?” Geo asked.
“Me?”
“Making the decision to keep driving can’t have been easy. You coping with that?”
Matt’s eyes looked straight into his. “It was my duty to keep driving. I couldn’t sacrifice the entire convoy to save Shane, and he wouldn’t have wanted me to. If I’d stopped, and more people were hurt or killed, he would’ve hated me for that in the end. It wasn’t a choice, it was the only thing to do. And I’d do it all over again.”
Despite his seeming calm, the pain evident in the set of Matt’s jaw and compressed lips told Geo how much that decision had cost him emotionally.
“A bitch of a no-win situation, isn’t it?”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Matt pinched the bridge of his nose tightly, voice growing even more hoarse. “Stop and save him, and have him hate me for it, or keep going and have to live with his death.”
“He’s going to be okay, though, yeah?”
“But for a few hours, I didn’t know that. All I knew was that he was hurt so fuckin’ bad.” Matt drew in a shaky breath. “And I didn’t stop...”
Geo stood by silently as Matt wrestled for control. At last he glanced up at him, his intense dark eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, dude. Nothing to be sorry for.” His heart aching, Geo reached out to grip his shoulder. “The longer you’re in this business, the better you’ll learn how to compartmentalize this shit.”
Matt shook his head. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Compartmentalizing so much that I stop caring.” He smiled ruefully. “I’d rather feel the pain than have that happen. You know?”
Unbelievably Geo felt his own eyes start to burn, but with sheer force of will, he forced it back. “Well, there’s only so much pain you can allow yourself to feel before it eats you alive. Take it from me.”
They stared at each other for the space of a few heartbeats, and Geo could almost see the questions trembling on Matt’s lips. Before he could say anything, Bosch’s loud snort broke the spell, and in an instant, Geo retreated back into the safety of his macho armor.
“You’ll just have to figure it out for yourself, kid,” he said, giving an inward wince at the patronizing tone to his voice. “It sucks about your buddy, but don’t let yourself dwell on it too long.”
In the sudden awkwardness, Matt’s expression smoothed out, his own emotion now tightly locked down. “Yeah. Thanks for the advice, George,” he said evenly. “It was nice meeting you. Later, Bosch.”
With a lift of his hand, Matt turned and jogged away. Bosch gazed up at Geo almost reproachfully.
“Hey, what was I supposed to do?” Geo grunted. “Spew all over a guy I don’t even know, let alone trust?”
Besides, Matt’s pain was different than his own. What happened to Shane could be laid directly at the feet of a senseless, never-ending war. What’d happened to Cade...
Shame, guilt and helplessness flared back to life in the pit of Geo’s stomach. Matt wouldn’t understand anyway. How could he? A wet-behind-the-ears new guy with next to no combat experience didn’t get to judge Cade’s actions, or Geo’s. He had to goddamn earn that right.
Back in his room, Geo gave Bosch a bowl of water before dropping to sit cross-legged next to his crate. Bosch finished his drink and ambled over, then flopped on the rug and curled up to rest his head on Geo’s thigh.
Geo sifted his fingers through his fur, some of his tension easing. The soothing weight of the dog’s head on his leg, the warmth of his body, the comfort and companionship of this creature he loved and knew loved him back...
Right now it was just what he needed.
And all Lani wanted was a picture of him.
At the thought, Geo