actions that night arose out of fear, but hearing her admit it—
He blew out a long, slow breath. “I would’ve talked about it with you, you know,” he said more quietly. “We could’ve worked it out. I thought, silly me, that we were in this together.”
“We are in this together.”
“Are we?”
“I want to be.” She took a step closer. “Despite the way I acted, I want to be in this with you. Whatever the future holds for us, I want us to decide it together.”
With nothing more to lose, he said harshly, “I can tell you right now what the future holds. It holds four more years of this.” He waved at the airfield behind him. “This isn’t a job I can just quit, you know.”
“I know.”
“You need guarantees? I can’t give ’em. You want to count on me? You won’t always be able to. It’ll be life with Rhys all over again, Lani, except this time you’ll be doing it with a child.”
She flinched, but said, “I know that, too.”
“Yeah, I know you know.” Exhaling, he tilted his head back to the sky, his eyes starting to sting. “And God, for some reason, I still thought maybe we had a chance. Stupid.”
Lani’s boots made clicking sounds on the asphalt as she approached him, stopping so close he could feel her warmth. “I want that chance with you, Geo.”
He shrugged. “Funny way of showing it. Nothing says ‘I want to try’ like packing up your boyfriend’s things and leaving them by the door.”
“Not my finest hour, I admit.” Her voice was soft. “But let’s flip this around. You need guarantees? I can’t give ’em either. You want to count on me? Well, I hope you know that you can.” She paused. “Most of the time. Kinda goes back to that ‘guarantee’ thing.”
Geo couldn’t help but snort at that.
With a watery chuckle, she took his hands in hers, her own fingers ice-cold. “But if you want to be loved? You are. Completely. The no-guarantees-asked kind, the we’re-in-this-together-even-when-one-of-us-screws-up kind.”
When he shook his head, she reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you. With everything that I have. And I know you love me.”
A kernel of hope sprouted in Geo’s chest even as he grunted, “Hmph.”
“You know how I know? Because nothing says ‘I understand you’ like grabbing up the things your girlfriend packed and leaving without a fight.” She crinkled her nose. “Well, when your girlfriend is Lani, that is. I can’t speak to any other girlfriend you’ve had, or boyfriend, for that matter. All I know is Lani’s not easy to understand, but somehow you understood what she needed that night. You must really love her.”
He grunted again, the hope taking cautious root. Still, he didn’t say anything, and she squeezed his hand again. “This morning I was lying in bed, wondering when I’d gotten so selfish. I’ve been acting like my needs are the only ones that matter. Worse, I’ve been superimposing my past with Rhys over the idea of a future with you.”
Geo waited while she wrestled with her thoughts, his heart thumping painfully in his ears.
“Every time he left, I considered it an abandonment,” she said. “I blamed him for loving his job more than me. He was a part of something that had its own language, its own traditions, a culture that, as much as I wanted to, I’d never completely understand.”
He rubbed her fingers gently, and her lips trembled a bit as she went on, “But you’re not Rhys. I’m not the same Lani I was back then, and it’s so fucking unfair for me to compare my life with him to what it would be with you.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “I love you. I’m proud of you, of the way you serve your country. The way you and Bosch keep people safe. And if you’ll have me, I want to try and make this work.”
Before he could say anything, she let go of him. “I’m gonna walk for a while. That way.” She pointed to the beach. “Come find me and we’ll talk some more. If you want.”
Despite wanting to charge after her, Geo forced himself to wait until she’d disappeared. Anger and pain still coursed through him, along with uncertainty, because everything he’d said was true. She couldn’t count on him to be there for her when she needed him. The birth of the baby? No promises. Anniversaries, illnesses, deaths in the family, on and on and on. For