in relationships but I didn’t do because I was so scared of losing him. And now I’ve lost him anyway.’
‘You dumped him. That’s totally different from losing him.’
‘Oh God. I know you’re right. I need to give my head a wobble and move on. Like you’ve moved on.’
‘I wouldn’t put it quite that strongly. I’ve got back on Tinder and been on two dates.’
‘Two dates! Strong work, Zoë.’
‘Not really. First guy was a Capricorn. They’re meant to be all strong and dependable. Which was why I was surprised when he was half an hour late and then spilled a pint of lager over me.’
‘Oh no!’
‘Oh yes. And he was blatantly at least five years older than his profile said and four inches shorter. I mean, I’m not tall. I don’t mind dating short men. I know the whole thing about wanting a guy to be taller than you is patriarchal bullshit. But…’
‘Don’t tell porkies in your profile?’
‘Exactly. Then the Leo guy – apparently they’re fun to be around, super-sociable but a bit egotistical – turned out to be not much fun to be around and super-egotistical. He literally talked about himself non-stop for two hours.’
‘God, there’s nothing worse than an I specialist.’
‘Yeah. If I’d told him I’d been on holiday to Tenerife, he’d have been to Elevenerife. So I said I wasn’t feeling it.’
‘But you’ve got another date this evening. I’d call that getting straight back on the horse.’
‘That would have to be Sagittarius, though. This one’s Taurus.’
‘Shame. Sagittarius is half man, half horse, right? Imagine shagging one of those.’
We giggled.
‘I wonder how it would work?’ I said. ‘Like, with all the extra legs and stuff.’
‘Bloody hell, I thought I was too boring in bed for Fabian and here I am discussing horse sex.’
‘Enough of that. What should I expect from Mr Taurus?’
‘He’ll be full of bull?’
Still laughing, we parted: Dani turning up the high street to the dental surgery, and I returning to the Ginger Cat to get ready for my date with Brett. Mysterious Brett, who might or might not be a spy.
As I walked, I opened the Stargazer app on my phone and glanced at my horoscope for the day, not for the first time.
Things are not always what they seem, Aquarius. You might not be regretting decisions you’ve made, but if you let your natural impulsiveness come to the fore, you could soon be regretting other ones.
By the app’s recent standards, this was pretty tame stuff. I’d begun to wonder, recently, whether there was something strange going on with it – some glitch in the algorithm or something. Just that morning, I’d had a push notification flash up on my screen that had said, The camera doesn’t lie, Aquarius. You really do look ridiculous when you smile.
I’d dashed to the mirror and grinned at my reflection like a mentaller. I didn’t look any different from normal, but I’d spent the rest of the morning so glum-faced that Robbie asked me if someone had died. I’d forgotten about it pretty quickly, obviously, and gone back to smiling a normal amount.
But then another notification had told me, You might think you can trust your friends, but what are they saying about you when your back is turned? and I’d felt myself getting all paranoid again and wondering, when I heard a shout of laughter come from the table where Maurice and his mates were playing dominoes, whether they were talking about me.
I hurried up to the flat and showered and changed ready for my date, pleased that I’d gone to the effort of having my nails and eyelashes done, telling myself that if I was going to be back in the dating game, it was quicker than doing them myself and an investment in my future.
‘Okay, Frazz,’ I said to my cat, who was lounging on the back of the sofa looking deeply pissed off that I should have the bare-faced cheek to go out on my evening off, rather than staying in with him and maybe playing an exciting game of pounce with my toes under the duvet. ‘I’m off. You’re in charge here.’
Frazzle blinked crossly.
‘I know, I know. But at least Jude isn’t here any more, and you ought to be relieved about that, because you never liked him much, did you?’
Frazz blinked again, then stood up, yawned hugely, stretched his back and then each of his four legs, and followed me out, trotting down the stairs and into the bar, where he’d spend the evening