I’m honest. But you know how it is, the first time.’
That’s what I’d told myself, afterwards. Only about ten minutes after that first kiss, to be exact. Sex with Jude had been perfunctory and clumsy, and quite frankly the best thing about it had been the fact that it hadn’t gone on for longer. But there’d still been that connection, that intensity in the way he’d looked at me with his amazing eyes, greeny-brown flecked with gold, like a forest pool in dappled sunlight. The way he’d held me, close and tenderly, until he’d fallen asleep again and I’d had to extract myself from his arms before getting ready for work.
It would get better, I’d assured myself. We’d get used to each other, learn how each other’s bodies worked and what made each other tick. Far better, I’d rationalised, to have room for improvement than to start off with a bang and then for it all to go downhill from there. Sex with Seth had been mind-blowing the first time, after all, and where had that got me?
Dani interrupted my musings. ‘I wonder if Friday will be my first time with Fabian. God, I’m so nervous. What if I’m crap? I’m going to have to book in for a fanny wax. And an everything-else wax. Just in case. But I’m sorry it wasn’t great for you. Was the next time better?’
I sighed. ‘There hasn’t been a next time.’
‘What? Why not?’
‘Because when I went up to my flat during my break, he’d gone.’
‘Gone?’
I nodded, remembering the feeling of hollow shock I’d felt when I pushed open the door to the empty flat and he’d disappeared, with only the imprint of his head on my pillow reminding me that he’d been there at all.
‘That could be okay though, couldn’t it? Like, maybe he had to get back to his mum’s place or whatever. Maybe there was an emergency and he knew you were working so he didn’t want to interrupt you. He’s got your number, right?’
‘Wrong. He left a note, just saying thanks for the bed and other stuff. I mean, seriously. Like a shag was part of the service that started with beans on toast.’
Gloomily, I remembered what the app had said when I checked it, once I’d finished staring around the empty flat in confusion, like Jude was going to jump out from under the bed and say, ‘Ha! Fooled you!’
Clever, curious and charismatic, your Gemini man can charm the birds out of the trees. But the Twins’ boredom threshold is notoriously low, and they can be fickle in romantic relationships.
So, after one night, I’d bored him. Which was just fabulous for my ego.
‘Okay. I guess that is a bit shit. But he can find you if he wants to. It would take five seconds to get your last name off the pub’s website and then you’re on social media and he could just reach out, couldn’t he?’
‘He could. If he wanted to. But I’m not sure he does. Why would he have just fucked off like that if he did?’
‘Men!’ Dani sighed. ‘Honestly, I don’t know why we bother.’
‘Me neither.’
‘They’re just shits, aren’t they?’
‘A total waste of time. Seriously, I wish I was a lesbian.’
‘That must be so great. Imagine, you’d be able to borrow each other’s clothes.’
‘Your flat would always smell amazing.’
‘And you’d never have to worry about a condom bursting ever again.’
‘Total life goals,’ I said. ‘Anyway. I’d better get back on Tinder and find my next date.’
‘You’re not giving up, then?’
‘How can I? It’s not like anything else is working out that brilliantly for me, is it?’
Dani gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. ‘So you’re okay to send me some recipes, then? And lend me the meat thermometer thingy?’
So clearly she wasn’t quite ready to give up on men yet either.
On my way back to work, I popped into Craft Fever to see if the owner, Archie, had got in the locally made cider we’d ordered, which Robbie had thought would be brilliant in a chicken and leek pie. But there was already a customer in there, buying some of the honey Archie’s sister made from the hives on the roof of her nearby apartment.
The guy looked familiar, which was nothing new – lots of the Ginger Cat regulars were customers of Archie’s too. But he wasn’t a regular. He was – I stared so hard at his back, trying to place him, he must have practically got scorched by the laser beams of my eyes