but have doubts about your place in the world. And that you always like to see the good in others, and believe the world would be a better place if more people felt free to display their true generosity of spirit?’
It was my turn to look startled. ‘What, you’ve got Stargazer on your phone, too?’
Adam snorted. ‘Of course I haven’t. It’s the way all these things work, coming up with a load of waffle that everyone knows is true about themselves, or wants to be true. It’s all a con, like tarot reading or psychics.’
‘But that’s just not the case. I mean, the other day I went on a date with a man who was literally exactly what his star sign said he’d be.’
‘That would be your own cognitive bias. Anyway, here’s my number.’ He rattled off the eleven digits and I frantically typed them into my phone. ‘I’ll get cracking planning a game.’
‘And I’ll look forward to seeing you,’ I said, wondering if he ever smiled at anyone who didn’t have four legs, whiskers and a tail.
That night, alone again in my flat, I turned back to the apps on my phone: the one that would tell me what man I was to try and date next, and the one that would help me to find him. Like evil twins, I thought bitterly.
Twins. Gemini. Another reminder of Jude. Maybe the sex hadn’t been that great for him either and that was why he’d left, giving me no way to contact him. Maybe that was how things worked now. It was how it worked for Robbie, and it was how it had worked for Seth. Maybe I needed to just accept that, learn to enjoy a series of sexual encounters that weren’t going to lead to anything, until… What? Until Mr Right suddenly popped up out of nowhere by some magical coincidence?
Online dating was it for me, for now, I realised bitterly. I was just going to have to be persistent and see what the zodiac had in store for me next.
It had better get its act together though, because on its present form, I was not impressed.
‘Right then, Cancer man,’ I said, with more resignation than enthusiasm. ‘Show me what you’ve got.’
Frazzle hopped up and took his place at my feet, and I started reading.
Your Cancer guy might have ambitions in the workplace, but home is definitely where his heart is. As the crab carries its shell on its back, so Cancer’s mind always returns to the domestic sphere. However much he enjoys travel and the company of friends, ultimately home and – in the future – family are where his priorities lie.
Fair do’s, I thought. You wouldn’t catch Mr Cancer fucking off without a word after I’d made him beans on toast with extra chilli sauce, would you?
For flighty, fickle Aquarius, with her head always more or less in the clouds, this can be frustrating. She craves intellectual adventure and is constantly drawn to the company of like-minded souls and the higher realm of the spirit; he wants to set a rota for taking out the bins. In order for this relationship to work long-term, Cancer needs to cut his lady loose and let her pursue interests outside the home, perhaps even in a true reversal of roles in which the man of the house becomes the main home-maker and caregiver for the couple’s children.
Steady on, I told the app. I haven’t even met the man and you’re already giving us two kids and a picket fence.
But I allowed my mind to drift into a fantasy in which I had just that. I came home from work to find my Cancerean husband reading our children their bedtime story. In the morning, he’d be giving the kids their breakfast while I got ready for my day. The house would be clean, the bills paid on time, the dog taken for walks.
Hold on, what dog? How come we’ve suddenly got a dog? But I was pretty certain that this man, this family-focused homebody, would be a dog person.
‘What do you reckon to that, Frazzle?’ I asked.
Frazz turned his amber eyes on me, like two traffic lights saying, ‘Slow the hell down right now.’
‘Okay. Maybe the dog would be up for negotiation,’ I told him.
A couple of days later on a glorious early summer evening, the Ginger Cat’s tiny beer garden heaving with people, Robbie and I were discussing whether it would be worth getting a mobile fish and chips van