to live. And because he’s an unpaid volunteer, he can’t really stretch to London rent, can he?’
‘So he’s staying in London for how long?’
‘Well, potentially until the end of the year, I guess. Depending on what happens with politics and stuff. Maybe longer, if they offer him a permanent job.’
‘Wow. So an indefinite period then.’ Dani carefully lifted the tiny doughnut off her cupcake, raked it through the icing and took a bite. ‘Oh my fucking God, total sugar rush. So good. You must feel really sure about each other, then.’
I peeled the paper case off my cupcake and looked at it. Ideally, in order to get the full flavour experience, you’d want to bite through all three layers: red velvet sponge, frosting and doughnut, in one go. But if I tried that I’d dislocate my jaw for sure. I broke a piece of crimson cake off the bottom and ate it to reduce the overall height of the structure.
‘He’s an amazing person,’ I said. ‘He has incredibly strong morals and ethics. I really admire his commitment to the causes he believes in. It’s all the same things I care about, only I’ve never really been arsed to do anything about it.’
I wondered guiltily whether the red colouring in the cupcake had come from the crushed shells of poor little cochineal beetles. Surely not – not when it had a big ‘V’ next to it on the menu. But I should have asked, and I hadn’t, because I didn’t want the waitress to think I was a wanker.
Jude would’ve asked, though.
‘That’s all well and good,’ Dani said. ‘But what’s he like in the sack?’
I almost choked on my coconut chai latte. ‘Really nice. Really kind of gentle and sweet.’
‘Hmmm. That’s good. Better than him being a tree-hugging leftie.’
I tried to look disapproving but couldn’t help laughing. ‘I’m a tree-hugging leftie too. And he’s a feminist. How many blokes are willing to admit that?’
‘Not that many,’ Dani admitted. ‘Certainly none of the ones I’ve dated.’
‘How about Fabian?’ I asked.
‘Ah, you know what? I couldn’t care less if he’s a feminist or not, to be honest with you. He treats me decently, he takes me to nice places, he’s hot, he makes me laugh and he’s a fabulous fuck. We never talk about politics and stuff, anyway. He’s not that interested and nor am I.’
I tried to imagine Fabian on an Extinction Rebellion demo, or wearing a ‘This is What a Feminist Looks Like’ T-shirt, and failed totally.
‘No, I guess he’s not. But things are going well with him?’
‘Really, really well. He sends me flowers, like, every other day. Whenever we can’t see each other. He’s really romantic, but not in an over-the-top kind of way. Just a gentleman. Opens the car door for me and stuff.’
I wasn’t sure opening the car door was chivalrous enough to make up for ignoring Dani’s calls and texts, but maybe Fabian had mended his ways. Jude didn’t have a car, of course. He even objected to using Uber, on the basis that it didn’t offer sufficiently robust safeguards for workers’ rights.
‘Isn’t it weird,’ I said, ‘how you and I have both found boyfriends at the same time? I mean, Jude and I haven’t actually had the exclusivity talk, but he’s been staying at my place for ten days and he’s said he loves me, so that must mean it’s serious, right?’
Dani licked her spoon. ‘It must do. Did you say it back?’
‘Not that first time. To be honest, I was so surprised, and the way he said it was kind of casual, so I wasn’t even sure if he really meant it and I didn’t want to be clingy. But since then, yeah.’
It had felt so strange, forming my mouth around those words for the first time since I’d said them to Joe. But the smile on Jude’s face, the way he’d held me close afterwards, reassured me. He didn’t think I was clingy or needy – or if he did, he felt clingy and needy, too, so that was all right.
‘If Fabian said he loved me I think I’d faint with shock,’ Dani said.
‘But they’re so totally different. I mean, we’re not that different from each other – we’re mates and everything. I can’t imagine Jude and Fabian having a beer together, can you?’
‘We could try going out, all four of us together.’ Dani chewed a cuticle. ‘Just to see what happened.’
‘We could,’ I agreed, thinking that actually, we both knew that would never,