my mother actually felt. She wouldn’t accept me for who I was. She could talk about going on Ellen all she wanted, but the truth was that she didn’t mind queer people so long as her son wasn’t one of them. The fight in me vanished. I didn’t have the strength to argue with her because there was no way to change my mother’s mind once she’d made it up. I could be her son or I could be true to myself, but I couldn’t be both.
“Yes, ma’am.”
When I’d started questioning my sexuality, learning about asexuality and demisexuality and exploring who I was attracted to, I’d known that it was something my parents might not be comfortable with, but I’d remained certain that they loved me and would support me. And as I trudged back upstairs to my room, I found that my certainty had fled.
Dre
I COULDN’T STOP shaking. Why was I shaking? It was only an auditorium filled with high school students. I was a high school student. They were like me. Nothing to be scared of, except I was definitely scared.
When we found out that Dean had accepted my challenge while giving an interview to the student paper at his own school, Dad had said there was no way in hell I was going. I’d played the whole thing like the challenge had just been me shit-talking and that I didn’t care one way or another. It had taken Jose and Mom teaming up on him to change his mind, with Jose saying the press couldn’t hurt and Mom promising that I’d be on my best behavior. Besides, she’d argued, how much trouble could I really get into in one night in Tallahassee? Florida was more boring than Rhode Island. Finally, my dad caved, and I was allowed to go. But I had to keep my cell on so my parents could check up on me, and I had to call them from the hotel that evening so they could be sure I hadn’t run off to Orlando to visit Hogwarts.
I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before. In between trading messages with Dean, I’d been trying to figure out what I was going to wear. The agreement Dad’s people and Governor Arnault’s people had come to with the school was that press would be limited and only the students would be allowed to ask us questions, but we were still likely to make the nightly news, so I had to make my outfit count. I settled on jean shorts, because Florida, duh, and the shirt Mel had given me. The palette was a little subdued, though, so I painted my nails Granapple Green.
“You’re making me anxious.” Dean stood beside me wearing jeans and a blazer with a shirt and tie. It was the wardrobe equivalent of a mullet. Still, he looked cute, and it was taking every ounce of willpower I had not to pinch his ass.
Mrs. Hicks, the social studies teacher who’d been showing us around—well, showing me around, since this was Dean’s school—was giving her long-winded introduction and explaining how the debate would work. I probably should’ve been paying attention.
“Unlike you, I’ve never debated anyone before.”
“You’ll do fine,” he said. “And I’ll go easy.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“You want me to destroy you?”
“I want you to try.”
Dean grinned at me and winked, and I wanted to kiss him so damn bad. “Hey,” he said, “how would you like to come over to my house after we’re finished here?”
“For real?”
“I am for real,” he said. He must’ve noticed I’d gone pale because he quickly added, “My mother is in Wisconsin and my father is in Texas, I think. Either way, they won’t be home.”
I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or worse. “You want to bring me to your house while your parents are away? Why, Dean Arnault, are you trying to seduce me?”
A deep blush rose in Dean’s cheeks, but he quickly recovered. “I wasn’t,” he said, “but now I might give it a shot.”
This was Dean’s plan to defeat me! How was I supposed to debate him when all I could think about was being alone in his house with him? Well, I refused to let him win that easily.
Mrs. Hicks finally called us onto the stage, and as we walked out and began to head to our separate sides, I whispered, “Prepare to be humiliated.”
Someone hooted Dean’s name, and it was picked up by a few others before the teachers in