to my bag for water. The cookies had left my mouth a little dry; mostly, though, I was trying to avoid looking Mel in the eye. But as I finished drinking and was closing the lid on the bottle, I noticed Mel staring at me, her eyes bulging. “What?”
“Oh my God.”
“Mel?”
“It really is Dean Arnault, isn’t it?”
“Mel, I—”
Mel covered her mouth with her hand. “You told me and I didn’t believe you, but that’s it, isn’t it? He’s the mystery guy?”
I was panicking. I tried to laugh and roll my eyes and play like it was a joke, but I knew I was busted. “You can’t tell anyone, Mel. I’m serious.”
“It makes sense,” she said, still working it out for herself. “You met at the debate and, is that where it started?”
“Kind of,” I said. “We’ve been talking on Promethean.”
“Of course!”
Dean was going to kill me. I trusted Mel not to tell anyone, and playing coy at this point would only make her dig deeper and could lead to her unintentionally exposing Dean. “But there’s nothing going on.”
“So he’s gay?”
“I don’t know.” I felt weird talking about Dean without him around. It wasn’t my secret to tell, but Mel had already guessed Dean was the guy I was crushing on, and with the information I’d already given her, she could come to the wrong conclusion if I didn’t tell her the truth. All I could do at this point was damage control. “He thinks he’s probably demisexual, but he hasn’t gotten specific about the type of person he might be romantically interested in.”
Mel got on her knees on the bed, leaned over, and slapped my arm. “That’s for keeping it from me.” She slapped me again. “And that’s for having a crush on Dean Arnault!”
“What the hell, Mel?”
“It doesn’t matter if he’s into you, Dre! How could you even think of being with a guy whose mom would ban abortion, arm teachers, eliminate protections for trans people, and probably thinks global warming is a hoax?”
“Dean’s not like that,” I said.
“Does his mom know he’s demi?”
I shook my head.
“Because he’s Mommy’s perfect little robot, and—” She stopped short and threw up her hands. “Fuck! I can’t even say that anymore because it’s a stereotype that I refuse to perpetuate regardless of what a repulsive asshat I think he is.”
“Calling him or anyone names for any reason really isn’t a good look,” I said. “Not that I’m not guilty of it too.”
The face Mel made told me in no uncertain terms that this was not the time for a lecture on morality from me. I hadn’t seen her this angry in a long time. “Do you know how much good he could do if he came out?”
“Mel, you can’t tell anyone—”
Mel glared at me. “Do you even know me? Do you think for a second I’d out someone like that? I might really, really want to, but I never would, and you of all people should know that.”
I hung my head, feeling ashamed for thinking Mel would consider outing Dean. Of course she wouldn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t change that I think he’s a coward for being on Team Arnault while he’s keeping a secret like this.”
“If you got to know him—”
Mel groaned in frustration. “This is what I’m talking about, Dre. You could be helping Dean see how important it is to come out and be visible in a world that wants to make you both invisible. Instead, you’re playing house with teenage Mussolini.”
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
“No,” she said. “It’s gross, and I honestly expected better from you.”
I felt like Mel was throwing punches instead of words and that I had no defense against them. Every attack hit hard and left a bruise. “He’s not like his mom,” I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper. “He’s a good person.”
“If he won’t stand against her when it matters, how good can he really be?”
As the shock of Mel’s attacks wore off, anger began to take its place. My cheeks felt hot and I lashed out. “You don’t even know him.”
“Neither do you.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I turned and left. Mel called after me, but I slammed the door behind me and refused to look back.
Dean
EVERY HOTEL ROOM my mother stayed in when she traveled was transformed into campaign headquarters while she was in it. Serious people with titles like Communications Director or Campaign Strategist were always hovering around, tapping out messages or rewriting a speech or